Secrets and Lies {Badlands and Crybaby ➛ sisters}

8|| The Blinding Light

Halsey's P.O.V

All I see is white right now. All I know is that I'm dead. All I feel is the emptiness through my heart and soul. There's this blinding light and I can't see anything or feel anything. I remember flashbacks of what happened. I'm dead right? I hope everyone understands why I've done it though. It only makes sense like that because everything I felt was real. The pain, the sorrow, the emptiness. When I saw them... I couldn't help it. It felt like my heart was tearing apart. It wasn't cause I like him too, right? I can hear things but not really. I don't know why I hear these voices. I don't know why I can't see anything when I should be in hell for killing myself. Is this a stage?

I realized one thing. This blinding light represents my heart. Its just like an empty coloring book. I realized one more thing. This was wrong. I made a mistake didn't I? But there's no rewinding it back. Because what I've done is done. They say that suicide is the one thing that people don't live to regret right? I guess that's what I didn't realize till now. I realized this.

I have to fill up my empty heart.

I have to fill up my empty coloring book.

And I should've known this earlier right? But I know how I should've done it. I should've not been vulnerable , that was a big mistake. If Mel and him we're made to be than it was it. I can find someone else right? Everything has different possibilities. My life could've had different possibilities right? Just cause one thing was wrong that didn't mean I should've done this right? Well I'll miss them but I also have my reasons for ending my life. What if my coloring book doesn't want to be colored or doesn't have a reason to be colored. My brain that's full of darkness doesn't want light remember.

Everything I did had a reason right? I cut myself cause of Moonlight. I cut myself cause I'm ugly and fat right?I cut myself cause I had my reasons right. 

That's not all.

I cut myself because I loved him right? Wait what? Nope.

I know everything was meant to be because my heart didn't want to beat anymore. It was to empty to beat right? It was too dark to even let light pour inside. It was not red with passion. Nothing special. I know I had to do this because I was not needed right? It's already done. I don't even need anything else to do. I'll just stare into the emptiness and depth of this blinding light and remember how deep my heart was. I suffered to much.

Chapter by: Sadiya.

Chapter has been edited.