letters; grayson dolan

Letter six

I dropped my keys on the granite counter, hearing a slight clink as it dropped. It didn't look as if Ethan was home, it was so quiet you could a hear a pin drop.

I unlocked my phone, heavily dropping onto the couch. I scrolled through my instagram notifications trying to take my mind away from what was going on.

The doorbell rang and the mail suddenly slid through the door. I hurriedly scurried over towards the mail, seeing once again, another neatly decorated envelope.

Dear Bailey,
Welcome back. Ellis Debree, not much of a close friend but acquaintances. We both took Canadian Law together, not really knowing anyone in the class we decided to sit next to each other. Our "friendship" didn't go outside of class, we were sort of just in class buddies. As time gradually went on, Ellis began to confront me about certain problems going on in her life. She'd always mention that she was extremely insecure about her body due to her recent weight gain. She'd explain how she always envied my body, which I never really understood considering my body was nothing she wanted. I then started to tell her about my insecurities, mainly pointing out the ones about my body. She understood and everything just went on from there.

In January, that new year, we came back from Christmas vacation and Ellis looked completely different. She slimmed down about 20 pounds in the span of 2 weeks. She cut her hair down short and put a tint of blonde in it. Obviously, I was astonished and so happy for her. But, since she was now considered 'fit' she judged me effortlessly. All class she sat with her new friends, laughing and snickering at me. Saying things like:
'Why don't you just eat something?'
'You look like you're a bag of bones'
'Anorexic'
'You're so fucking skinny'
'Put some meat on those stick you call arms'

All my life I've struggled, extremely, with body positivity. I never liked or loved my body, I have always hated every ounce of my being. Every moment after that I never looked at myself the same. I always noticed the little things that were wrong with my body. It was the moment after this day where I started to cut myself. And Bailey, you may be wondering, why did this bother me so much? Being called skinny is a compliment isn't it? No not to someone whose struggled with being underweight all there life. I, as a kid being called anorexic all day, would come home and cry in my room alone. Once high school hit I thought things would be different. But turns out everything was just the same.

So Bailey, little piece of advice, don't call an underweight person skinny or an overweight person fat. It will ruin there self esteem and you will be majorly responsible. You don't know what someone is going through to fix there weight "problem" so don't judge them when they are already judging themselves.

I placed the envelope down and began to imagine all the times I've called Amber skinny. She always laughed but now, I realize, it was nothing but a fake smile.