letters; grayson dolan

Letter seven

dear Bailey,

       there was a moment in time where i was unsure about my sexuality. not surprising because almost everyone, eventually, questions themselves. for two weeks, i was wondering whether or not i was bisexual. i always wondered, why do i always stare at girls butts and boobs? and i never really questioned it until then. so, i decided to create my own tinder account so i can, possibly, hook up with a girl – to see what i truly feel about it.

      not long after i got a request from a girl, about the same age as me, asking if i wanted to catch dinner sometime. butterflies ran through my stomach as i IMMEDIATLEY said yes. we picked a time and date and well, it was set.

      when i met her i didnt feel any butterflies nor did i feel attracted to her at all. we kissed, made out, and basically hung out – and i wanted to leave the entire time. we said our goodbyes and that was it, or so i believed.

      i went home that night and every single one of my social media platforms was blown out of proportion. comments, dms, snapchats, texts asking if i was now a lesbian? every single part of my body ached with fear because i knew now, that i was only attracted to boys. but who the hell was going to believe me? no one. school was hell the next day, everyone was constantly pointing and laughing at me. my locker was filled with photos of me and the girl, kissing and making out. i honestly thought life couldnt have gotten any worse, and then Tyler walked up to me.

     "do you fucking realize everyone is laughing at me, saying i dated a lesbian"

      "i'm not a lesbian" i said, but he didnt believe me. he got upset because i was trying to take him as a fool

      "you're such a fucking piece of shit. you dirty little whore. how many girl did you fuck around with when we were together? hm? nasty slut. just die already. we dont need gay ass people like you in this world"

      and with every single horrible word he said to me, i believed him. i am a whore, a slut, nasty and disgusting, and i do deserve to die. so i went home that night and began my preparation of my suicide plan. i knew it would take months for me to actually come through with it, so i prepared everything early and i just waited for the perfect moment.

     that was until two extortionary boys came along.

I think you'll enjoy the next couple chapters :)

anyway I have a new book out, 'seven stages of grief' ! check it out.