"Depression is like a war. You either win or die trying."
Song: Starving by Hailee Steinfield, Grey ft. Zedd~~~
Sighing, I collapsed on the floor right next to our Christmas tree. I had just spent about three hours pulling the reusable tree out of the basement and decorating it. Now I just had to wait for Tyler to come back home so he could place the star on the peak of the tree. It had always been his job to add the finishing touch on the tree, ever since he was a baby. I didn't mind; I'm not a competitive or jealous type. I've learned to let things go, especially when it came to Tyler. He has always been my baby brother, and always will be.
I heard the door open, and assumed that it was Tyler. He was late enough already. "Tyler! Get your butt over here. I've been waiting hours for you!" I shouted. Honestly, I finished decorating only about 10 minutes ago, but sometimes I just decide to be a drama queen for the sake of it. I heard a soft chuckle and immediately sat up. Or at least tried to. I was too tired for that brand of caring. "Hey Hope. What's up?" Hunter asked, walking into the room like he owned the place. He'd discovered where the spare key was hidden a couple of days ago, and he's just been walking in ever since. I raised an eyebrow at his question, the same response he always got from me. "Okay, okay. I give up trying to make you respond differently," Hunter sighed, raising his hands in defeat.
"I'm gonna have to change the spare key hiding spot... Ugh! I'm too lazy." I let out a long breath. "Well, you hid it under the doormat. What do you expect?" Hunter responded. "I wasn't feeling very innovative," I defended myself. "Well, I could help you hide the key." Hunter smirked at me. "That defeats the purpose," I said as I pulled myself up, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Hunter shrugged and moved his attention to the tree. "Nice decorations. I told you I would help you though."
He had been coming over to my house every day for weeks to help decorate. I declined at first, but he, inevitably, found the spare key and has been helping me ever since. It's a big house that takes a lot of time to decorate, so I appreciated his assistance. Since Tyler's been over at his best friend Jake's house a lot more than usual lately, Hunter's help has been understandably welcome.
I stood up, filled a glass with water from the sink, and gulped it down. All this work was tiring. Christmas Eve was in two days, and we still haven't finished decorating, though we were getting close. I loved to be neat and hated when there were big gaps between clusters of decorations, so my decorating tended to be very thorough. Fortunately, all I had left to do was hang wreaths on the doors and bells from the ceiling in the walkway. "There's not much left to do, Hunter. I can manage it by myself, and we can just chill today," I said to him as he sorted through boxes of decor. I would be lying if I said that Hunter didn't work hard. Without his help, I would probably be running on two hours of sleep a day.
"Hmm... don't you still have to hang bells from the ceiling? How is poor little five foot you going to do that?" Hunter teased. I huffed and crossed my arms. "Firstly, there is something called a ladder. And secondly, I'm not five foot. I'm five foot three." Hunter shrugged as he pulled out a bunch of bells from the box. "I'm still gonna do it you know. Plus, we have to plan dinner tomorrow. That means we'll have to go grocery shopping." Hunter pulled a ladder from the corner of the room and climbed up with ease. His six foot self didn't have to put forth much effort to hang the bells from the ceiling.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his shirt ride up a little. Clearing my throat, I quickly averted my eyes. "Hey, could you hand me some more bells?" Hunter asked, looking down at me. "Yeah sure," I replied as I walked over to the box. After handing him the required decorations, I sat down on the sofa and watched Hunter finish with the walkway. "Okay, I'm done. What else needs to be decorated?" Hunter asked as he finished up. "Nothing much. I'll hang the wreaths on the doors before bed. Come on... let's watch something," I said as I patted the nearest spot on the sofa.
I flipped through Netflix, searching for a Christmas themed movie to watch. When 'How the Grinch stole Christmas' came up, I stopped, overwhelmed by nostalgia. When Tyler and I were younger, we used to watch the Grinch every year. It was my favorite. I turned to Hunter. "Hey, do you want to watch this? It's been forever since I last watched it." Hunter tried to hide the small grin creeping onto his face. "I've only watched it once. Isn't it a kids movie?" I gaped at him, "Once? How could you have only watched this once? Plus, this is a family movie, not a kids movie."
I didn't wait for his response as I hit play. "Okay then," I heard him say under his breath, amusement lacing his voice. I snuggled into Hunter's side as he put his arms over my shoulder. His body warmth warmed me a little, but I still felt quite cold. "You need a blanket?" Hunter asked, pulling my shivering self closer to him. "Yeah. Let me go get a blanket," I said, trying to pull myself up. "No, I'll get it for you," Hunter supplied, standing up to go get it before I could even argue. I wasn't in the mood to be too active anyways.
Hunter came back with my blanket after a minute or so. Sitting down next to me, he covered the both of us with the blanket. I was beginning to feel like we were missing something, and I realized that we didn't have popcorn! "Hey Hunter, you want some popcorn?" I asked. "Yeah, sure, just tell me where they are and I'll pop 'em for you," Hunter said as he got up and headed towards the kitchen. "They're in the cabinet right above the stove," I responded, already missing Hunter's warmth.
During the next couple minutes, I heard a popping sound, followed by Hunter's footsteps. "Thanks," I whispered as Hunter placed the bowl in between us. I was munching on my popcorn when I heard the door open. Tyler walked in, wiggling his eyebrows discreetly. I nearly snorted at the gesture. Thankfully, Tyler had gotten accustomed to Hunter's presence in the house and was fine with it by now. "Hey Hunter." Tyler awkwardly waved. Hunter responded with a small nod, and went back to watching the movie.
"Tyler, will you place the star on the tree?" I called out. His job wasn't really a big deal or anything. It was just another one of our semi-useless sibling traditions. After getting up to inspect Tyler's star-hanging work, I went back to the couch. Hunter didn't even notice, he was too engaged with the movie to notice anything else. I saw Tyler go up to his room from the corner of my eye, and started watching the movie again.
As the credits rolled, I yawned and switched the TV off. "That was fun," Hunter said as he turned to me. "Mhmm," I grumbled blearily. "It's so obvious that you're tired. Go to bed. I'll hang the wreaths and show myself out," Hunter suggested. I was too exhausted to argue. "Sure. I'll pick you up at noon tomorrow for grocery shopping. Tell Will I missed him and am super excited to see him soon." I picked myself off the sofa and dragged my blanket up the stairs. Then I sleepily waved goodbye to Hunter and went to bed.
YOU ARE READING
Burning Out
RomanceHope was a word I hated and loved. It was something I clung on to although I wanted to let go. The burning desire to live always outmatched the desire not to. Just by a little. And I was scared that soon it would all change. ~~~ Hope Ayla Hawkinson...