Scars (SayWeCanFly Fanfiction)

Flashbacks

Tears escaped my eyes as I laid in the tub filled with water, for some reason I thought this would help clear my head but this place gave me more options for killing myself, I could drown myself, take a bunch of pills and sink, I could get my blades that's in the cabinet with my towels, all these went through my head and I realized I can't hurt my baby, the reason I am feeling this way is because I am 18 and just fount out I am pregnant, I wouldn't be this upset if the baby's father was alive, he was the love of my life, we've been dating since we were 13, Brandon died on our fifth year anniversary he was in a car accident, and it was only a week ago I was on a road to recovery until I fount out about my pregnancy I wanted to terminate it but that's not something Brandon would not of wanted, and I couldn't deal with loosing the closest thing to him I will ever get, I get out of the tub and wrap a towel around me and let the water drain the last time I seen water drain it water was bright red, and I was in and out of conciseness with Brandon carrying me screaming for me to hold on until we get to the hospital, but for the first time it was clear I think Brandon would be proud of me, but what if I feel this way again and I don't have Brandon to save me? I dress in baggy basketball shorts and Brandons old t-shirt and I threw my long brunette hair into a ponytail and sat on my bed with my head inbetween my legs thinking about the night Brandon got in the car accident.

It was a full moon that night and the air felt right at the time I was holding his hand on our balcony "I have always heard that people look prettier in the moonlight and I thought that it wasn't true that it was just darker, but it's true, you look so much more beautiful than you do now" he said I smiled and kissed him his kiss was somehow different but so much better it was about 9:30 maybe but I didn't care I was with him and that's all I ever wanted then his phone vibrated "my mom said if I don't get home now she'll kill me" he said I sighed "I thought you said she said you can stay the weekend" I said "Well she did so I don't know why she would send this to me, but I better go to keep her happy so I can come back" he said "Okay, we seriously need to move in" I said he smiled "yeah" we both got up and walked out to his car and we had a make-out session he pushed a strand from my messy bun and put it behind my ear and kissed my neck something I loved "You're the love of my life, please never leave me?" he asked me "I promise if you promise" I said he chuckled a small chuckle and looked into my eyes so serious "I will never leave you" and he kissed me then he got in his car and drove off and I felt as if my heart disappeared and followed his car as like a kid who thinks the moon follows their car I then went upstairs and sat on my couch watching televison and feel asleep watching who was going to be at warped tour

My phone began to ring and I thought it was Brandon he always called me in the morning I look at my phone it was six in the morning and it was his house phone, I answered it "Hello?" I answered all grogy from just being awakened "Hey, Emma, Emma Wilde?"a women asked who sounded a lot like Brandons mom "Yes, who am I talking to?" I asked "Brandons mom" she said "Oh hi Mrs.Wright, is something wrong?" I asked since his mom was calling me at six in the morning maybe he never came home last night because he was tired of his moms rules, but wouldn't he come here?, did he come here? I don't remember anyone knocking on the door last night "Yes, it's about Brandon, on his way home last night he was hit by a drunk driver, and he is dead, he died on impact he didn't feel anything so that's the only good thing about this whole entire situation" "Okay" I said holding back the tears that was ready to explode "please text me funeral information" I said "okay sweetie if you need anything ask me" she said "Okay bye" i said and hung up the phone and fell back on the pillow on my couch and it finally hit me and my eyes exploded with tears I was hysterically crying why me?

I stop thinking about the moments of horrible moments in my life and just thinking about telling Brandons mom about my pregnancy, but I am not allowed to tell anyone until I am at least twelve weeks but this is his mom and the only thing left of him but at least she won't have to care for a baby that will probably be identical to his looks but I will learn to live with it, I have to I have no choice. I look at the time 11:47 pm it said glowing red at me I get up and change again into some causal clothes and get in my car and begin driving, sometimes driving scared me since Brandons accident but I can't live in fear my whole life, even if I wanted to. I finally get to my destination, the graveyard, I sigh as I get out and begin walking I try to remember where we stood when they buried Brandon and I fount it and read it out loud but soft "Brandon Jacob Wright 1996-2014 'Respected by many Loved by all'" I kept rereading that quote that was Brandons life quote for everything I sat down facing the statue that had a medium sized place for a picture his mom put in there she had put the one of me and him from last month we were celebrating his 18th birthday I am only a month older than him, I miss him so much then I begin letting tears roll down my cheeks and started talking to the stone like he was there "You're a dad" I said and tears still rolling down my cheeks and I would wipe them off when they began getting slower halfway down my cheek, "You said you'd never leave me, and look where I am now, alone, I need you" I said I might look and sound dumb but this is a way I cope I did this when my father died when I was ten years old, my house wasn't that far from my school and the graveyard was on the way to my house, so I would go to his grave and talk and it made me feel a lot better, just thinking that he was still here made me feel safer I still sit here facing the picture and just thinking not to long ago I was in his arms and kissing him and reminding him I loved him and now I am empty and dead inside I have no one to hold me and no one to kiss me like he did and I really have no one to say "I love you" to ever since I moved out I haven't really spoken to my mom and my big brother who was 20 when my dad died moved out and in with his girlfriend and two weeks later they were in Hawaii and he's not spoken to my family since but only me, well for a while he did, we'd write letters to each other because he really didn't like telephones and neither did his girlfriend which by now I guess is his wife, he's probably leading a wonderful life and here I am 18 and pregnant and sitting in front of my boyfriends grave crying because the baby is his and he'd always wanted children one day, but why was this planned for me? and why to me? I know many people go through this but I feel so much more pain because I am so young. I get up and look at the stone once again and sigh I walk to my car and drive home almost at the edge of my seat always scared something was going to happen, I finally put my car in park and walk inside my apartment and throw on the clothes I had on earlier and lay down on my bed and it's cold I sigh missing his warmth I then close my eyes, things will be all better tomorrow, because my friend is cheering me up by taking me to her friends concert,