Devil I Jikook I

Conscience.

JUNGKOOK'S POV

It's been about a month since I found out about Jimin, and the whole time I've been practicing with Namjoon hyung.  He was helping me learn to control my thoughts and memories so they won't resurface when I'm around Jimin. He would tell me things that bring back memories, but instead of giving into the feelings, I work to overcome them so they won't pop up. Of course, we practice in private; if someone heard Namjoon hyung say some of the things he does to rile me up, he could be beaten up or expelled. I'd like to think I've gotten much better, but hyung keeps telling me to 'play it safe' and not talk to Jimin.

Today started out normally; I was in the empty physics classroom to practice with hyung. It was going well; I could feel myself having a better rein on the thoughts that used to haunt me. Namjoon complimented me on my work, saying that I was improving at a rapid pace. I giggled. "Thanks, Namjoonie hyung." The name slipped out. Namjoon froze, mouth slightly open and eyes glassy. "It's alright Jungkook." His voice wavered.  There was an uncomfortable silence as I debated whether to apologize again. He suddenly stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "I'm sorry Jungkook-ah. I need to go."

When I entered the dorm, Yoongi dryly remarked without looking up from his computer, "you're back early." I dropped my bag next to my shoes and walked over. "Yeah. I think I upset Namjoon hyung." "What did you do this time?" Amusement tinged his voice as he looked up at me. "I called Namjoon hyung 'Namjoonie.'" My voice was small; the event was embarrassing to explain. Yoongi's eyes widened, a look of panic crossing his face. "That was Jin's nickname for him."

"Jin?" I repeated, recognizing the name. "You guys have mentioned him before, right?" Yoongi nodded, a sad expression etched onto his face. "We try to refrain from talking about him. It's like opening a closed wound. It's the worst for Namjoon; he's understandably the most sensitive about the topic."

"Oh." I suddenly felt extremely guilty. Yoongi closed his laptop and placed it on the table in front of him. "Come sit here Jungkook. It's about time I tell you." He patted the seat next to him, which I walked over and sat in.

"Namjoon wasn't always like how he is now. He didn't always have his face buried in a book, ignoring everyone else. This happened before you came to university."

I remained silent, waiting for him to continue. He sighed, letting his shoulders slump down.

"In our first year, we met someone named Seokjin. He was very kind-hearted and fun to be around. He was like the eomma of our group. He was also unbelievably handsome. Namjoon was instantly smitten. Like any cheesy love story, they spent time together, flirted, and eventually began dating. The pure love they felt towards the other was evident; they genuinely cared about each other. However, Jin was keeping a secret from us; Namjoon was his devil. When Jin first met Namjoon, he started sneezing. He claimed it was just allergies, and we believed him since we didn't think there would be any other explanation. He was lucky not to have a suspicious reaction, but at the same time, if he had told us, we could've helped him.

"He knew that being around Namjoon was hurting him, but he couldn't bring himself to ignore the person he loved. Jin was torn, and the pain kept gnawing at his sanity. After months of suffering, he finally broke. Hobi found him hanging. It was obviously traumatizing for him to see a close friend dead by their own hand. Jimin is the first roommate he's had since Jin, and this happened quite a few years ago.

"We eventually put the pieces together: the way Jin would tense up whenever he and Namjoon made eye contact, the looks of panic that would cross his face, it all made sense. It tore him apart. Even though it hurt all of us, it hurt Namjoon the most."

He fell silent, a couple of tears escaping Yoongi's eyes. He grumbled and wiped them away, but the pain in his eyes was crystal clear. "If it hurts so much, why is he helping me?"

"I asked him the same thing. He told me that it was a bit of closure to understand what Jin was going through. The things you guys have been doing is helping him just as much as you."

Yoongi lets a small smile grace his lips.

"He's helping you because he wants to give you a chance that he never got."