Killer Love: Sons Of Anarchy

Family Dinner

Jax

"I actually did end up moving to France.. Lived there for 6 years."She told me looking off into space as she spoke.
"It's so beautiful there Jax... I could have stayed forever but I still really wanted to grow as an artist. So I traveled around a bit picked up some new techniques-new ink." She said with a chuckle.
"Then when I felt like I wanted to make a home somewhere I moved to New York." She told me. She had a smile on her face but I could tell there was a little regret in her words and on her face.
I could have listened to her talk all day. I truly never thought it was true that the more time you spend away from someone the more you forget what they look like... what they sound like. Charlie had always been breathtaking but damn did she look good. The past seventeen years had done her well. Her wavy brown hair now had some red highlights that stood out in the sun. Her hair was also longer now, she used to like it no longer than just past her shoulders but now it came down to the middle of her back. She looked toner than used to be back then. She was always in good shape but now I could tell by how her clothes fit against her body that she had more muscle. She still dressed about the same: Tight jeans with rips on the thighs, black shirt that was form fitting on her chest but loose around her torso and a leather jacket with leather boots to match. The one thing that didn't seem to change was her eyes. I could spot those green eyes from anywhere. The gold flakes in her iris always sparkled in the light and didn't seem like that had changed at all. Her face had some age lines but not many. Like she had lived a full life in the past decade. That was always what I wanted for her.
"Glad you followed your dreams Charlie..."I told her. Us breaking up seemed to be a good thing for her. It allowed her to be free for a little while.
"Yeah...I missed Charming though. It's home and I was homesick for the first two years but it made me a better artist." She told me as she turned to face me. A smile spread across her red painted lips. Making me draw in a sharp breath. I wasn't ready to take in her full beauty. She looked good-Real good.
"So you got a guy waiting for you back in New York?" I asked, I had to know. Needed to know if she had loved anyone else. It wouldn't be fair if she hadn't. I had fallen in and out of love a couple times and had kids in the years we had been apart. I only ever wanted her to be happy. Her eyes looked away from mine and her lines pressed into a line.
"I do not... Not anymore" She told me.
"There was a guy back when I was in France. He's the one who talked me into traveling. Then he talked me into moving to New York with him. We were together for a while... for a long while actually. We were just fooling each other thinking we were meant to be." She finished.
"Did you love him?" I asked her. She gave me a nod while she looked away.
"I did." She answered. I left it alone at that. I couldn't help but to feel relieved that she did love someone else. I never wanted her to be that hurt where she couldn't have moved on. She was always so strong so I always had faith that she would have bounced back better than I had.
"I'm guessing you really did love Tara?" She said to me. Her words hurt my heart but not as much as her face did. There was little emotion to be read on it but I knew her well enough to know she felt some type of way about it.
"Yeah... Later on. I didn't love her like that back then. She came around again when I needed someone stable. You remember Wendy?" I asked her and she nodded.
"She's my ex wife. We had no business being together. I wouldn't change it because that's how I got my first son... Tara was around when he was born. It just kind of happened." I told her, giving her a shrug of my shoulders.
"I get it. I'm still really sorry. I remember how hard you love, so I know how painful it's probably been for you." She told me and I gave her a nod.
"Yeah... It's been rough." I replied. I closed my eyes and flash backs of coming home finding Tara's body on the floor flooded my mind. I took in a deep breath trying to push the images out. It had only been a year but some days it still felt like it was yesterday.
"How's Opie doing? He and Donna still together?" She asked me, bringing me out of one of my waking hell dreams and putting me right back into another one.
"Op died, Charls." I told her. I watched as her hand flew to her chest and she held her breath.
"Oh Jax..." She started.
"When? How?" She asked and so I told her. I watched as she shook her head in disbelief. Opie had always been my best friend and Charlie knew that. She hung around us many nights in our young teenage years.
"Who else? Tell me what's been going on." She asked me and so I told her. I started at the beginning with Wendy and Abel. Then all the fucked up shit Clay had done. Getting the club to move Coke. Gemma getting raped, Tig starting a war with the Niners. All the death.. All the blood and betryal. I ended it with Tara. I didn't go into detail about the revenge I took out for her. I knew Charlie knew me well enough to know what I would have done. It was nice to talk to someone about the club who understood but also wouldn't judge me. She was always the best when it came to that. No matter the amount of blood I split or came back in she would love me just the same. She was the perfect Old Lady.
"Jax... I don't even know what to say. Clay? Wow..." She said I nodded in agreement.
"We just headed down the wrong path with the club and we paid the price... Knew we would eventually." I told her. That's why I wanted you out of it. I told myself. Over the years I wondered if I could ever tell her the truth on why I broke up with her. Part of me wanted to just write to her and tell her everything. But the other part of me knew that if I did she would come back to me. And I wouldn't do that to her.
"Well I bet your boys are gorgeous."She told me with a smile. I took in another deep breath trying to relax my muscles.
"Yeah..They are. They look like me."I told her with a grin. She rolled her eyes at me and touched my knee lightly. I grabbed her hand in mine and just held it for a moment. I had never realized how much she kept me sane back in the day. Just within these couple of hours talking to her I felt better- lighter. Like this weight had been lifted off of me. It was still there. I could feel it hovering over me but it was crushing me like it had been. She gave my hand a squeeze and I looked over at her.
"Thank you for telling me." She said and I gave her a smile. She used to always say those words to me when I would tell her about club shit. She knew I didn't have to tell her but she also knew that I told her everything and she still thanked me for it.
"Thank you for listening." I told her in response.
"As much as I don't want too... We should get going before Gemma throws a fit about us not being there on time." She said and I laughed.
"Knowing Gemma I'm sure she's hoping we'll be late because we were hooking up." I told her a chuckle coming out with my words.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
"I didn't come back to Charming to be your Old Lady again, Jax. I just want to make that clear. Your wounds are still fresh. I don't want to be your rebound. I'm not sure that I could handle that."
"Charls we were just catching up. I wasn't thinking anymore of it." I told her understanding what she meant. I let her led the way off the roof back to the ground. I waited by the bike for her as she half jogged to her helmet that was sitting on the picnic table outside of the shop. I couldn't help the smile that came to my face as she walked back over to me. I guess it was true that you never forgot your first love. If she would have me I could love her today as if the last seventeen years had never happened. I could pick it back up with her in a heartbeat.
"What?" She asked me and I shrugged.
"You look good." I told her. My smile widened seeing her lips pull to a one sided smile.
"You too." She replied as she straddled my bike. Once I heard the click of the buckle. I started my Bike, listening to it roar to life. Charlie's arms wrapped around me and I glanced down at her hands. She gave me two quick squeezes; her signal for saying 'Let's ride'
"Just like old times." I told her over the roaring before I kicked up the kick stand then rode off from the shop toward Gemma's.
Driving faster than I should have, I heard Charlie's giggles come from behind me. She still likes speed. Shortly we parked in front of Gemma's house beside a long line of other bikes. Mostly just the main members showed up for dinner but tonight there seemed to be a few more bikes. Getting off after Charlie did, I looked over at her taking my sunglasses off, I couldn't help the little smile that came to me while I watched her. She looked nervous.
"Acting like it's the first time I brought you home to meet Gemma." I told her with a chuckle.
"Ha ha" She said, setting the helmet down on the mirror.
"Just been awhile since I've been to Sunday dinner." She told me and I nodded. Walking up the driveway I opened the back door.
"Ma it's me." I called walking inside to see her cooking in the kitchen.
"Don't come in unless Charlie is with you!" She yelled at me and I laughed walking in.
"Don't worry Gemma. He brought me." Charlie told her walking inside and over to Gemma. "What can I help you with?" She asked her and then Gemma put her to work. Grabbing a beer out of the fridge before I walked over to the guys.
"Jackie!" I heard Chibs as I walked into the dinning area.
"Hey boys." I said taking a sip of my beer. Sitting down next to Nero; it didn't take long before everyone was asking about Charlie. I figured it was coming. It's not everyday that I walk in with a girl, especially after everything that has happened. Charlie had mentioned that the guys were already wondering who she was already. So I prepared to get a little bit ambushed when I walked in.
"And so then she comes in looking like a supermodel and says: 'It has to be my ignition coil because everything else is fine.'" Tig said quoting Charlie from earlier and everyone laughed with him.
"She's always known her stuff." I said taking another sip letting them know that she wasn't just faking it.
"What's the deal with her Jackie? Gemma calls her into her office then we see you talking to her for hours on the roof." Chibs asked me. Asking the question that everyone wanted to know the answer to. I waited a moment as my eyes flicked up to look at Charlie. I wondered if she would be embarrassed by letting them know who she used to be. I never brought up Charlie to anyone before; it was old history that no one needed to know.
"She was my first Old Lady." I said to them and soon the comments of disbelief came out. All I could do was nod and watch Charlie in the kitchen with my mother. She looked so natural there. Just watching her made some of my own demons go away for a little while. Everyone thought that Tara was my first Old Lady and my first love. The last people that were left that knew differently were Gemma and Bobby.
Damn I missed Charlie. I just didn't know how much I truly did until now. I had spent years truly to find someone or something that filled the void she left me with but nothing worked quite like her.
"She was one little bad ass in high school" I went on. Not once had my eyes left Charlie's. I watched as she brought food out of the oven and placed it on the table before Gemma gave her another task to do.