Worthless

Fights

She sits quietly in her room; drawing and watching a video. Her brother still has school work to do. She hears him screaming at their mother, blaming her for things he can control. She plays the video louder in hopes to drown him out. She waits for her mother to tell her that lunch is ready, or for her father to bring it to her, but all she hears is the yelling. Mother yelling at son, son yelling at mother, father yelling at both. She sighs and plugs in her headphones, hoping then she won't hear them. She watches cute videos in hopes that they'll make her happier. Her brother runs into the door and scares her. She waits for him to either apologize or open the door and yell at her. She tries to act normal, but doesn't know how.

She's afraid of her family. She thinks they'll hate her. She already knows her brother will try to change her. She's keeping a secret, a huge part of her life. She hides it the best she can. She doesn't want to be kicked out and unloved. She doesn't want to be left to die. So instead, she lies. She hates it. She loves her family, but hates them at the same time. They aren't as open as she thought. They don't openly accept everyone. Her brother will try to change someone to be the perfect christian. She's never talked to her father about it. Her mother won't tell someone how to live their life, but she won't accept them. She tries to be their perfect, straight, christian daughter, but it is too hard. As soon as she has time alone, she cries. She thinks about cutting but remembers her family and quickly changes her mind.

If they find out about anything, it would be the end. She'd cut to deep and watch, smiling, as the blood dripped onto the floor. Yes, she'd scream in pain, but at least this pain she can control. She's afraid. Afraid of living and dying, her family and friends. Afraid of being betrayed. So her only escape is watching her blood drip to the ground and seep through the wound, and she smiles, welcoming the pain.