There's No Mathematics To Love And Loss

Chapter 4

The next day at the office had been awkward to say the least. Mike made his way to Harvey's office as soon as he'd arrived at the firm, needing to pick up some files. He was shocked to find Donna blocking him from entering, stating that Harvey couldn't be interrupted and she had what Mike needed waiting for him on her desk. Harvey was on the phone and they locked eyes through the glass. Harvey quickly looked away and after that refused to even look in Mike's direction. He was certain the whole scenario was bogus, that Harvey was actually just ignoring him, but he let it slide and made his way towards his cubicle, feeling distinctly uncomfortable, like everything was about to turn to shit.
He hated that he was right.
They'd been good, even with the impersonal fucking nearly every day of the week, their relationship had blossomed into something greater than it had ever been before. Now, though... Now Harvey could hardly even look at Mike. They stopped hanging out purely because they wanted to, they no longer spent their lunch or coffee breaks together... they were no longer friends. All meetings were suddenly held in Harvey's office in the middle of the day, there were no more nights working alongside each other in Harvey's condo. Their relationship became purely professional, more so than it ever had been before and Mike hated how their interactions made his heart constrict with regret.
Mike didn't even care so much about no longer having sex. While it was welcome, it was absolutely amazing in fact, and god Harvey knew exactly how to drive Mike crazy, he missed their friendship more than anything. He hated the way Harvey closed off completely, how he no longer treated Mike any differently than he would any other associate in the building.
It wasn't fair. Mike knew that he should have kept his mouth shut, that he shouldn't have asked Harvey what was going on with that, that he should have just left things how they were, but he also knew Harvey was an emotionally closed off asshole who was lying to himself and to Mike and that he had feelings hidden somewhere deep inside. The way Harvey had treated Mike over the previous few weeks, the easy camaraderie and the affection that laced his voice when they had sex, god even the words he whispered into Mike's ear when he was buried deep inside him... Yeah Mike knew Harvey's denial was bullshit.
It hurt him though that he couldn't push it. He didn't want to risk making things worse, of complicating their relationship even further. He should have known that was the least of his worries, that complications arose whether you fought them or not.

The first few times he threw up Mike didn't think much of it, he chalked it up to too much red bull and not enough sleep or solid food. He vowed to take better care of himself, to head home relatively early that night for some much needed to rest, to swap the red bull for water, and to eat something beyond pizza and breakfast bars.
The nausea happened on and off, if it were a constant Mike probably would have thought more of it, but after a few weeks the sweating started and the vomiting increased and Mike knew then something was wrong. It made working difficult, the constant tension between overheated skin and wanting to dispose of his stomach contents made it hard to concentrate. He tried, god he tried, as long as he could to not let his health affect his work, he couldn't let Harvey see him as weak. The thought had made him laugh, hollow and self-depreciating, knowing that Harvey hardly even noticed him these days, that he hadn't yet noticed the nausea or the sudden, uncharacteristic change in diet, and it would probably take Mike dropping dead for him to notice something was amiss.
As it was, he didn't drop dead, but he missed the deadline for an important contract and was summoned to Harvey's office to be reprimanded accordingly. Of course that was code for 'having his ass reamed'.
"Where's the McKeachie contract?" Harvey asked, eyes blazing, mouth drawn tight like he knew exactly what the answer was going to be.
"I, uh... It's on my desk," Mike gestured vaguely out the door towards his own office, confused by Harvey's anger, "It'll be ready for tomorrow."
"Tomorrow won't do me any good. It needed to be ready for 9am this morning."
"You said Wednesday!"
Harvey looked at him like he was completely mental, "Today is Wednesday, Mike."
"But... No. Today's-"
"Today's too goddamn late, that's what today is!" Harvey stood from behind his desk, anger evident as it raged through his entire body, "I've been cutting you some lack lately but this just isn't good enough. I hired you expecting resulting, and I don't know what your goddamn problem has been lately but keep it out of the office or find yourself a new job."
"Harvey!" Donna was usually Mike's saving grace but even then he knew her interruption wasn't going to do him any good, "Can't you see he's not well?"
"If he's not well then he shouldn't be here." Harvey sat back behind his desk and focused once again on the paperwork in front of him, effectively ending the conversation.
"Harvey!" Donna's outrage rang around the room but fell on deaf ears.
Harvey glanced up again, eyes locking onto Mike's, ignoring Donna completely, "I mean it. You can't work then go home."
"Harvey, I can-"
"Go." He once again turned back to his work, Donna and Mike exchanging silent glances, neither sure of what to do. In the end Mike heaved a loud sigh and left the room, leaving Donna to glare silent daggers at the top of Harvey's head, and ventured on home.
He had barely made it inside his apartment before the nausea became overwhelming once again and his kitchen sink became the latest victim of his unpredictable and unexplainable vomiting. It was then that Mike figured he had nothing to lose; it was 1pm on a Wednesday afternoon and he was obviously not welcome within the office, so once the nausea subsided, once he no longer felt like the slightest movement would jolt his stomach and cause him to feel even worse, he took himself off to the nearest hospital.