There's No Mathematics To Love And Loss

Chapter 6

It took a little while but they were oddly okay after that encounter. They didn't quite fall back into what they were before but rather an obscure shadow of the relationship they once had. Mike was strangely okay with it, the way they could be friendly and joke around, awkward because they didn't understand the boundaries but comfortable because they knew they had each other's backs... It was all very reminiscent of how they were when Mike first began his career at Pearson Hardman. Except now it wasn't just his fraudulent career that hung over his head, but also the secret of a child he was carrying that was becoming harder to conceal every single day. He knew that the relationship he had with Harvey wasn't sustainable, that the day would come where he'd have to decide between telling Harvey or running away, but it wasn't something Mike liked to consciously think about and instead he pushed it to the deepest depths of his mind where he ignored it until he couldn't any longer.

Telling Jessica hadn't ever been a part of Mike's plan until it had happened. It was the annual Pearson Specter Christmas Ball that had ruined it all.
The year before all had gone to hell, Mike hadn't been dreading the Christmas Ball quite so much. The year before he'd gone with Harvey, they'd had a few beers beforehand and they'd had a good time overall. They'd spent the night working the room together, wooing potential clients and making fun of people in a way so they weren't quite sure whether to be offended or not. Mike had enjoyed the night, he'd loved the smirk on Harvey's face that hinted at a laugh for the majority of the evening.
Mike knew better than to expect the same this time around. Being pregnant meant Mike wasn't able to drink anything and he would have definitely benefited from some liquid courage that evening. He had carried a glass of champagne with him the whole night just to maintain appearances but it didn't take too long until Harvey began eying him a little too long, eyes questioning and calculating, lingering too long on Mike's drink for his liking. After that he threw some away whenever he could, making sure his drink was seen at varying degrees of fullness and occasionally he even left his hands empty, opting to confess that he was in between drinks whenever someone asked after why he wasn't taking advantage of the free booze.
Someone who had taken full advantage of the free booze had been Harvey. It was hard for Mike to watch. Only a year before Mike had been right alongside him, drinking way more than strictly appropriate, more concerned with having a good time than undertaking any actual business. This time around though all he could do was watch. Harvey was more than a little tipsy, laughing raucously at anything and everything, unconcerned with etiquette and procedure, instead he threw caution to the wind and let himself enjoy the night, his armour deconstructed for one evening.
It was all too much for Mike to bear witness to. Flashbacks of a better time kept invading his mind, flicking back to when he and Harvey were on good terms, before they complicated their relationship by sleeping together. Mike fled to the bathroom, desperate for a few moments of silence to himself where he could just breathe and recuperate, reminding himself that he and the baby were both okay and nobody knew his secret.
Mike was standing at the basin, relishing the cold water splashed across his face when the peaceful serenity of the bathroom was interrupted by the quick slamming of a door opening and closing behind him. He glanced up into the mirror to find Harvey watching him, leaning against the door, all smug perfection just the way Mike loved him.
"That suit."
Harvey's voice was deep and gravelly, distorted by a touch too much alcohol, and it would have gone straight to Mike's dick if panic weren't surging through his veins and crippling his mind.
"What?" Mike spun around to face the older man, proud that his voice sounded even. It took all conscious effort he had not to run his hands protectively across his stomach. He knew that the suit hid his belly, that there was no way for Harvey to know just by looking at him, but Mike had no other idea what Harvey could have meant.
"That suit." Harvey stalked towards him like predator pouncing on its prey, eyes gleaming like he knew he had won, "It's almost criminal how good you look."
Mike's stomach dropped when he figured out Harvey's intentions, that the man was just drunk enough to throw away their carefully constructed boundaries and their freshly rebuilt relationship. All that was on Harvey's mind was sex and the open hunger in his gaze left Mike with no doubts whatsoever. He swallowed around the lump in his throat, trying to push down the surge of panic and the accompanying vomit that rushed towards his mouth, while taking a step back, trying to put whatever distance he could between him and Harvey. It was to no avail though and Mike noticed the triumphant smirk that took hold of Harvey's features when he realised Mike was pressed up against the basin with nowhere to go.
"Harvey, what-"
"I've missed you." Harvey licked up the side of Mike's throat, teeth pulling at Mike's earlobe, the younger man groaning softly at the sensation.
"We can't do this."
Harvey was grinding against Mike, too many clothes and not enough friction to be of any real consequence, but still Mike felt himself getting hard much too quickly. It had been too long since he'd had sex and dreams of Harvey still plagued his sleep. He woke up hard more often than not, and his own right hand hadn't been fulfilling his needs for much too long. It had gotten to the point where some days Mike didn't even bother. His own hand wasn't the same as the feel of Harvey's, large and rough, and nothing but the real thing would do for Mike anymore. So when Harvey got his hand down Mike's pants and his fingers wrapped around his already half-hard cock, Mike was helpless to do anything but throw his head back with a loud groan and submit to the older man's whims.
"You know you want this. Missed this." Harvey's voice hot and perfect against his ear, spouting truths that Mike would never have admitted to otherwise... It drove out all semblance of right and wrong, of whether he should be allowing this or pushing away, and instead he reached for Harvey's face and crashed his lips against Harvey's.
It was exactly the way Mike remembered it. A hint too rough, hot and wet and perfect, tongues battling for dominance but neither too desperate to win, happy to play and feel and explore. Mike loved kissing Harvey, possibly more than he loved having sex with him. For Mike, sex wasn't the same without kissing, there was something primal and carnal about it, something that just made sex that much better if your lips were locked onto someone else's, and Mike knew that he would never forget the feel of Harvey's lips against his own.
Eventually Harvey pulled away, his head dropping to collapse against Mike's shoulder, bewitched by the sight of his hand moving over Mike's hard cock, his breath growing heavier as he concentrated on the push and pull of skin. As good as it felt, it gave Mike a slight reprieve and he couldn't stop the onslaught of objections that flooded his brain. He knew they should stop, that what they were doing wouldn't lead to anything good and would probably fuck them up even more in the long run, but the feel of Harvey against him was too tantalising to push away.
"We should stop." It was a weak effort, Mike knew, but he had to try. He hoped that maybe if Harvey could hear him, maybe he'd have the willpower to pull away because Mike certainly didn't.
His protest fell to deaf ears, though. Instead Harvey lifted his head from Mike's shoulder and made his way up his throat, "Can't wait to fuck you again. Missed that perfect tight ass of yours." Harvey groaned against Mike's neck, hand still working the younger man in just the right way, shorting out his brain, making coherent thought almost impossible, let alone coherent speech. Mike could only moan in response, too lost to the feel of Harvey's hands finally on him once again. He felt as if his skin was on fire, burning both where Harvey was touching him and where he wasn't, torn between fulfilled desire and a need for even more.
"Harvey..." Mike wasn't sure if it was a plead to stop or a plead for more, physical sensation winning out over rational thought and common sense. The devil on his shoulder was much louder, and much more convincing, than the much too weak angel.
It didn't take long for Mike to find himself on the edge of coming. Harvey was biting kisses up and down his neck, soothing the sharp nips with hot licks, his hand working Mike perfectly, hard and fast, his wrist twisting just so, the way Mike loved, the way that drove him crazy.
A sudden thud against the door interrupted them, the banging of a locked door trying to be pushed open had Mike shoving Harvey away from him, the following knock echoing around the room, pushing Mike's heart into overdrive. He felt as if his heartbeat could be heard throughout the room as he hurried to pull his pants back into place. Harvey was staring at the door as if he was confused by it, as if he couldn't quite figure out what was going on and suddenly Mike felt sick. He couldn't believe what he'd been about to go through with, what further emotional pain he was going to put himself through and what that would do to his child.
His child.
Fuck.
The thought had him running from the room before Harvey could even realise what had happened, pushing past people in a desperate attempt to get out and get away before Harvey could catch up to him.