Glitch

Chapter 24

All eyes are on me as Bain slowly turns and looks at me, our eyes connect and he is quickly out of his seat knocking the pitcher out of my hand and bringing me to him. The pitcher shatters on the floor spraying my sister. I yelp as his hands come to contact with the lashes on my back. He loosens his hold and growls. He stares into my eyes admiring me.

Bain looks down at me. "You were under my nose the whole time."

Suddenly Bain looks around and tells everyone to leave. Quickly everyone does and the house is silent. Bain's eyes lock on mine and I flinch at the hurt and anger. He steps away from me.

"You just toyed with me, you knew." My eyes widen at his words as I take a step to Bain. No this can not be happening.

"No that's not it at all, I was scared-" Bain growls at me.

"Don't give me that Navi, you aren't the only one that was scared. You had me thinking my mate was rejecting me, do you know how much pain that put me in?" Tears well up in Bain's eyes. How could I have not thought about him being in pain.

"Bain I promise I had almost tol-"

Bain growls again. "That's the thing about almost, its never enough." Bain shook his head at me, both of us crying at this point.

"Bain I mean it, I want you so bad I just, I just-" Bain rolls his eyes.

I was trying to explain but he wasnt listening.

"You were selfish Navi, you are right though, you can not be Queen, a Queen is anything but selfish."

I glare at him "Excuse me for not just jumping into your arms Bain, my whole life I have been treated like shit; all I ever heard was that I would be rejected." I shake my head biting my lip moving my hands as if that would get him to understand.

"What about us Navi, did Daniel, Frazier and I ever treat you like shit? Did my mother and father treat you like shit?" My lips roll into my mouth, he had a point.

"Bain all I can say is I'm sorry, I will never get you to understand why, I have my demons just like everyone else, was it the best choice, no." I take a step closer to Bain who takes one back, causing my heart to clench.

"But it was the easy choice." Bain whispers as he looks at me with so much emotion I break eye contact.

"No it was hard, every second I was with you I wanted to tell you." I beg for Bain to understand. The look in his eyes tells me he doesn't.

"Yet it was never enough." He turns his back on me and starts to walk away.

I lurch forward "No Bain don't just walk away from me." I grab his arm but he quickly rips it away giving me a growl.

"Are you-are you rejecting me?" My lip trembles. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Right?

Bain stops in his tracks, his back to me and silence surrounds us.

Until finally he breaks it while breaking my heart "Not yet, I don't have the strength right now." He pauses "Or maybe I won't, I'll let you ponder that thought, just like you made me."

I fall to my knees at his words and he continues to walk out. Sobs go through my body harshly. It feels my heart is being crushed. I feel like I cant breath, my stomach turns. I stumble to my feet and go through the kitchen through the back door and pump my legs to the forest.

My heart breaking. I felt sick to my stomach, this pain was worse than the lashes on my back.

Tears race down my face as I race through the trees.

Regret plays on my heart strings, and all the hate I could feel for myself wakens my demons as they scream at me.

He wanted me, but because of me, now he doesn't. I am the reason for my own rejection. My body throbbed with every hurtful thought.

I had messed everything up. If I would have taken my mask off, or just revealed myself as soon as I could. Or at least tell him the reason I was so scared.

We could be together now. I wouldn't be hurting , he wouldn't be hurting. It is my fault.

I trip and scratch my knee on the forest floor. I sob and hold myself there for a minute.
I step up and stumble back into a run Tears clouding my vision and I bump trees until finally I break through the tree line, I stop at the familiar ponds edge and cry out.

My demons scream with me and I put my hands to my ears even though it's all in my head.

"Riley I need your help. Riley I don't know what to do." I whisper as I lean my head on my knees still holding my ears. All I could hear was the voices, telling me how worthless I am, how selfish I am.

How dumb, how pathetic, how stupid, how weak, how I should kill myself.

"Riley!"

This time Riley doesn't come when I need her most.

I then look at the pond and throw myself in.

I let my self sink,my tears mix with water.

I'm going to do it.

I grab the old rope at the bottom of the pond and tie it around my ankle.

Nothing would stop me this time.

I'm going to be selfish one last time.

I scream in the water, my lungs burning, I breath in water as I start thrashing around my lungs burning and my body hurting.

I look up and reach my hand up, my eyes start to get heavy, and the pain my body is in starts being part of the back ground.

I see my self, my younger self lookin down at me from above the water, I then start seeing memories.

My fathers promotion. My first day in school, my first suicide attempt. Riley. Bain.

My body starts to go limp as my eyes start to close.

In slow motion I feel someone dive in beside me, they try to pull me up, they pause, look down. My eyes close.

My eyes open. I'm being pulled out of the water.

My eyes close. I feel pressure on my chest.

My eyes open, I see a blurry face.

My eyes close.

I'm not breathing.

I think I died.

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