Of Scissors And Scooby Doo

Chapter 17

Spending time with my best friend was a rare thing these days.

Wasn't that weird? My best friend... and I saw less and less of her. Of course we still saw each other at school every day and we still talked but... nothing was the way it should be anymore. I tried to repress my feelings for her. I tried to repress the memories of our kisses. I tried to forget how in love I was with her. But I couldn't. Even though she was so great and gave me time when I needed it, laid off of me when she sensed it got a little bit too much. I just couldn't change the way I felt for her.

Since Jade and I were spending noticeably less time together, I started to hang out more with the rest of the group, which was great too, of course. Well, aside from Beck. Since the almost kiss I tried to avoid being alone with him as much as I could. Sure, he hadn't mentioned it anymore, not even when we were alone to finish our script, but who knew what went on in that little horny mind of his.

Most of my time was spent with Andre now. Seriously, I adored this guy. In the span of only two weeks, he grew to be my closest friend (not counting Jade of course). We laughed, we made music together and could talk to each other without holding back. I had considered telling him about Jade. About our past. About... the present. But then I thought about who exactly I would be telling this to: Jade's friend and more importantly, Beck's best friend. I didn't think Jade would appreciate it much if Beck somehow found out what his ex-girlfriend did after their break up or rather... with who she did it. Sure, Andre probably wouldn't tell him if I asked him not to. But better not risk it.

I rested my chin in the palm of my hand and let my gaze sweep over the Asphalt Café. Maybe I should look for someone else. Not someone who would replace Jade, because that was absolutely impossible, but just someone who could take my mind off of her. Maybe if I started seeing someone else the situation between Jade and me would ease a little. Maybe that was simply what I needed to do. But then there was another open question. What was I looking for?

Boy or girl?

Was I gay? I still didn't know. I didn't need to know. I knew who I wanted. Jade. Always Jade. No, stop it! I sat up straight with a determined frown on my face. I would stop thinking about Jade now and look for someone who'd catch my eye. Be it a male or female, darn it! I didn't care!

But my determination began to dissolve bit by bit as I looked around, the frown soon getting replaced by a pout.

She was too skinny.

That guy over there was too tall.

Brown eyes... Jade's were way prettier.

Her hair was too short.

I didn't like his t-shirt.

Oh my God. How was I supposed to find a boyfriend or girlfriend if all I was doing was find small, stupid things to criticize? I couldn't seriously pick someone by their choice of clothing or what color their eyes were. Maybe they were really nice. I should at least try a little harder. But nothing would change. Because they all had one thing in common:

They weren't Jade.

"Hey muchacha."

"Hi Toriii!"

"What's up Tori-badoo?"

I forced a smile as Robbie, Andre and Cat all took a seat around me.

"Hey guys."

Oh. And there was Beck too. Yay. The tables all around me got fuller and fuller by every minute but at our table, one seat stayed empty. My eyes dropped to my untouched cheeseburger while I only half-listened to the conversation about Cat's brother around the table. "But why did he do that?"