Of Scissors And Scooby Doo

Chapter 29

"If you don't mind me asking, I'd love to know what the snogging between you two lovely ladies was all about."

God damn it! Really, he had to talk about it now? I turned my attention from Sikowitz, who was leaning against the door, to Beck, who looked at Jade and me with narrowed eyes, furrowed brows and parted lips. Well... What was I supposed to say? How was I supposed to explain to the ex-boyfriend of my current girlfriend that I was now dating his ex-girlfriend when I wasn't even myself right now? I couldn't do anything when I was still in character!

"Oh, but Mr. Figglesworth! It's really not polite to pry into other people's businesses where I come from!"

Jade. How badly I wanted to kill her. "Why don't we all have a handful of Raisin Bran? It always brings my mood up a notch!" I shoved the cereal carton into Beck's chest, however not managing to bring his bewildered gaze away from us. With just one long step the freaky Brit was standing between me and Jade, his back turned to me while he fixed his attention on the sweet farm girl.

"I beg your pardon, dear madam, but I do believe this is my business too."

The smile on Jade's face was sickly sweet while simultaneously extremely provoking. Of course. Leave it to Jade to want to make the situation only worse. "Is it?" An airy laugh left her lips while she stemmed her hands on her hips. "Well, aren't you a funny gentleman! I wish I had one of you on my farm in Alabama! For entertainment! It can get pretty boring sometimes but I still love to milk my cow! Her name is Wendy. I have her since she was a skinny little calf. Do you wanna see a picture?"

"I'm sure it's a lovely creature but I'd really rather want to talk about Officer Pedesko and those bright red lips of hers."

It was Robbie who came up to us and tried to defuse the situation a little. "Why don't we just all take us by the hands, so that we can feel the energy in our bloodstream, turn anger into joy and joy into blinding bliss!"

"This is getting out of hand," I loudly stated and gave my Raisin Bran box an aggressive shake, "I have a gun and I'm not afraid to use it!"

That shut everyone up, surprisingly, as all eyes turned to me in shock. Huh. Well, that was easy! "I think we should all have some Raisin Bran to calm our nerves!"

Just on cue the doorbell rang once again and when Sikowitz opened the door, he revealed, for the second time today, Andre's grandma. Well, so much for calm our nerves...

"Where's Andre?!"

Sikowitz chuckled uncomfortably. "Well... Well that's a dilly of a pickle."

"I don't eat pickles!"

"Ah, no. You see... Andre, per se, isn't... here."

"I see him right there," she yelled, pointing her finger in Andre's direction, who just came back from the bathroom. The loud woman pushed past Sikowitz, past Beck who started to throw his arm over her and talked to her in his incomprehensible accent and finally stopped in front of her grandson. "Andre! Why'd you play games with me over the telephone?"

"Oh ma'am, I'm not Andre! I'm a marathon runner who also happens to be-"

Only now she noticed the obviously bigger belly Andre was sporting. "Oh my God, who did that?!"

"Grandma, listen. I'm doing a method acting exercise. I need you to leave-"

A wrong buzzer sound out of Sikowitz's mouth interrupted him from finishing his sentence.

"Andre! You broke character."

"Come on, it's not my fault she came over here-"

"Come with me!" Andre's grandma's voice could still be heard, lecturing poor Andre about his nonexistent pregnancy, even long after she dragged her grandson out of the apartment and Robbie closed the door behind them. I stuffed some Raisin Bran into my mouth – God, was I sick of that – while Robbie took a deep breath.