They're never going to teach you about heartbreak. You're going to have to figure it out by yourself. Heartbreak is going to feel a lot like food poisoning when he leaves, even though you haven't eaten in days. You don't talk, you don't open your mouth, you just lay on the bathroom floor so that every time you feel words coming up and pushing to spit out, you'll be able to reach the toilet to flush away the screams. Heartbreak will start to feel like a disease when your mother demands to know why you're shivering under four layers of blankets and you'll try to explain to her that you're not cold on the outside. You're cold like all the sunshine had left your bloodstream and veins. You're cold like standing without an umbrella under the rain. Heartache will feel like the cold that follows you around all winter. It'll creep up on you like a fog in the spring, and you'll never have a chance to see it coming. So when you wake up suddenly because he's calling at 3 am after 6 months, and you feel that chill in your bones and the pounding in your head and your teeth are chattering, don't pick it up. This is a sickness that you can prevent. Don't pick up, baby girl, no matter how many times he calls, because even though you've imagined yourself rejecting him a million times, you know that you'll hear his voice and that you'll break faster than you can take a breath. Scream into your pillow and block his number from your phone. You wanted him once, but not anymore. It's okay to push him out of your mind and it's okay to cry, but don't let yourself fall victim to this sickness again. You're stronger than that.
Not mine
