I realized it has been 4 days since I’ve eaten a meal. It made me smile. I hurt myself at work today, and when I saw the blood, it made me smile. My boss offered me a bite of her sub, and I turned her down. I felt strong. It made me smile. Nobody notices a thing, and that makes me smile. It hits me though, that somebody must know. I have no emotion, people assume I’m just having a bad day. But really? Every damn day? That makes me cry. My clothes keep growing, or I keep shrinking, I can’t tell which. Do you not notice my size 3 jeans are now 2 sizes too big, its only been 3 months. That makes me cry. I’m back at the point where I’ll only wear long sleeves, you know why I used too. But don’t think to check again because it’s been a year. This makes me cry. People get better, and people get worse. It’s the ignorance of people who don’t understand that once you’re better, it will never be permanent. Relapse is a real thing. If people could understand that, damaged people wouldn’t be so damaged. This makes me cry the most.
Not mine
