ʷʰᵒ ᴵ'ᵐ ᵐᵉᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ; ᵐᵃˡ ᵇᵉʳᵗʰᵃ

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

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"I HAVEN'T been here in years," Mal breath as out she tossed her bag on the VK's hideout floor.

The VK's hideout was a place Mal, Jay, Evie and Carlos used to spend time away from their parents, plus whenever they were planning mischief. However, they mostly used it as a secret lair.

The negative memories came with a cost, as addictive as they felt, once lessons are learnt there will nothing in them of value. The positive memories came as a friend with a picnic basket, they are good and nourishing, supportive and kind.

In one of the corners, she can't remember which, she made Carlos cry. In another corner, she told Jay to piss off when he tried offering her words of encouragement near the doorway, she had the tingling feeling every wall, every art piece, every trash bag, every broken can, every stolen item, will bring unwanted memories.

But she was prepared.

This was what Mal wanted; what she needed. Confronting the issue is one thing, but handling it is another.

Mal was truly a coward deep inside. She cowardly stepped away from the end of the tunnel, fearing ever reaching her hand through the abyss and being snatched.

"Ahhhhh!!!" Mal screamed into the couch. Why did life have to be this way? She wanted to be Evie - carefree with no haunting memories; happiness being the only emotion she's ever felt. Evie lived in a royal castle. She was born idolized, born with an understanding, loving mother. She grew up pinned against Mal and yet Mal didn't coward away from forgiving her.

She loved Evie - she was the best person to enter her life. So... why was it sometimes hard to feel happy for her during moments like these? When she was alone and self-reflecting. Why was it so hard to accept Evie lived the life she wanted?

Mal wasn't able to give herself that life. Evie never had worries; she never had internalized conflicting thoughts. She had a listening boyfriend and appreciative clients. Mal was sure that even Audrey loved a bit of her, while she simultaneously hated Mal.

Evie didn't have a King. She had some dopey boy who would give up his entire life for her, not that he really had one. Her relationship was not in shambles, she was not brushed off for strangers nor expected to change herself for said strangers. Doug would throw himself off a cliff before he allowed Evie to drive down that road of self-deprecating insecurity.

Mal was the one with a King. She was the one that lived in a castle and dined with princesses across the world.

And yet here Mal was, the biggest shamble of them all. While Evie remained the fairest.

What was this? Mal could admit the feeling of jealousy towards the blue-haired girl's stylish, perfect life crept in during her breakdowns before, but it was never this intense.