hurricane- luke hemmings

Five

 The fucked up part is the fact that I just sat there and let you let go like I wasn't letting my whole world slip away. Why I let you let go is beyond me, but let me tell you, it's all so fucked up and neither of us can fix that anymore. We're both to blame.

And you always did this. You always felt a certain obligation to leave me alone, I just never thought it would be for forever. I never thought I would never see you again. That's okay, Luke, I understand that you couldn't stop it, but you should have told me what was wrong that night. You shouldn't have left, because I wasn't ready to be left alone. I wasn't ready to be a single mother. I don't care about the money you wouldn't have made. I don't care about your feelings being in shreds. I care about you, cared about you. But you just had to leave. I should have hidden that scotch when you said you had a bad day. But instead I watched you walk away, not knowing what I was letting go. I should have never.

I miss you. I miss you will all there is in me. She misses you, and I can't explain where his daddy went and why he won't be coming back. I can't take those huge crystal blue eyes that look into mine and beg me to find her daddy. I can't look at the children who remind me of what we were.

Luke, I am withering away by the second. I am withering away like you did, into dust. I am withering away, letting this world consume me and crush me, I am allowing it to rip me to shreds like shards of glass from that window. So, yes, I am saying that I'm running and that I can't do this anymore. I am saying that have to let go. I am saying that I am waving the innocents goodbye. I am saying that I am a damned coward and I can't handle being a mother anymore because it physically hurts and I mentally can't bare it. I am saying that I still love you too much to remember our love anymore. I am saying farewell.