Confessions from my Nightmares

an abstract feeling (part 2)

we went on for about two years

you weren't always drunk

i said things i shouldn't have

you would snap

i would scream

you would scream

then

i was on the floor

i told myself that i deserved it

i deserved to be treated this way

i told myself i wasn't good enough for you

i told myself you only did this because you loved me

and i still loved you

but

an abstract feeling overcame that love

i would come home from work to see you laying on the couch

and

i would have to try

oh so hard

not to wake you 

just on the off chance 

that you would be in a bad mood.

i would sneak into my own home

begging you to stay asleep

then you woke up

it was nights like this that left me confused

holding that abstract feeling in one hand

and my love for you in the other