Confessions from my Nightmares

when you awoke

there were certain nights when you awoke

and you were in your typical pissy mood

you hated everything around you

and i was doing everything wrong

you would hit me

call me things

throw and push me around

and i would take all of it.

then there were the nights when you awoke 

and you were in a loving mood

you would see me walk in the door and smile

you would rub your sleepy eyes and beg me to come sit next to you

we'd throw on a movie and hold each other

things were loving

things were safe

and i was in love

i was so in love

i still cry when i think about it

all the times we truly were in love

all the times i thought you were the one

all the times i thought that i was happy by your side

but

there were also 

all the times i cried when i thought about what you had done to me

all the times i flinched when you put your hand on my cheek lovingly

all the times i cried myself to sleep on the sofa because you wanted to sleep alone

all the times i felt alone in the world when i was right by your side.

and then

i awoke.