Left Unsaid

Chapter 7

SEVEN

"Renee!" I saw her retreating figure and I called her name as loud as I could while running. She stopped to look back. Halatang nalilito siya pero kita ko rin na nagulat siya dahil sa bigla kong pagtawag sa kanya after all the long cold weeks.

"Ren..." I said while panting. I took a deep breath to regain my composure but as soon as I locked eyes with her, I can't help but think how much I missed looking into them. Sometimes, I'll stare at her side profile in class. She won't notice because she was so into the class lecture, taking down notes once in a while. I smiled at the thought of it.

"Uy." Natawa siya. 'Pwede bang mag-assume uli na namiss mo rin ako?' I thought. "Sup?" sabi niya while holding the strap of her sling bag. 

I went closer, still not breaking eye contact. "Sorry, Ren..." I wrapped my arms around her slowly, like if I didn't do it slow, she'll get crushed - that fragile. "Sorry." sabi ko uli. She stiffened when I rested forehead on her shoulder.

"W-What are you saying sorry for?" she managed to say. "May ginawa ka ba, Mico?"

"Ren, Sorry." I repeated. I felt a pat on my back, followed by another and another. Nanahimik lang siya like she usually does. Hindi siya yung namimilit tulad nga ng sinabi ko. Kung ayaw mo magsabi at kung feel niyang di ka pa ready magsabi, she'll give you time, space, whatever distance you need. But just thinking about distance, mas napayakap ako ng mahigpit sa kanya. 

Sorry Ren.

Sorry kung may hidden agenda ang pagkaibigan ko sayo. Looks like nagricochet sa akin.

Sorry kung dahil dun, nagmukhang I led you on.

Sorry kung pinagpipilitan kita kay Jep kahit di ko naman alam kung gusto mo or ayaw mo.

Sorry na hindi ko masabi sayo yung nararamdaman ko dahil duwag ako.

Sorry na lumayo ako sayo at ginawa pa kitang lituhin.

Sorry dahil ang douchebag ko. 

Sorry pinasok pa kita sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Sorry nakilala mo pa ako. 

Sorry sa lahat at

Sorry kasi I think you don't deserve someone like me.

Siguro na-worry ko na siya ng sobra. "Uy Mico, may problema ka ba?" I took her shoulders and made her face me. "Pwede mo kaming sabihan nyan." I smiled at her concern and shook my head.

At pagtapos nun, I knew this girl was too special. I can't let her go nor make her mine. Malabo pero it's just the way it is.

"Tara? Nagugutom ako eh." I said while forcing a smile. 

Ang gusto ko na lang, mag-umpisa ng panibago. Gusto ko sana mabalik nung una kaming magkakilala. Pero shempre di na pwede yun. Tapos na eh. What's done is done. Kaya ngayon, ang magagawa ko na lang eh ilayo ang stubborn self ko sa kanya because I know she deserves better. Not just some jerk who was so willing to give her away. Not me. 

I didn't know kung convincing enough yung pag-aya ko kumain but she nodded with a smile. Just when we were on the way out, nakasalubong namin si Jep at Neil. Ngumiti ako at binati sila with a fist bump na parang walang nangyari. Nakatingin sa akin si Neil, mali ang pag-aakala niya. 

"Sakto, naabutan ko pa kayo!" sabi ni Jep, pumapagitna sa amin ni Ren sabay akbay. "Finally, nagkasabay na din! Fafa Neil, brelibs ule?" Natatawang sabi ni Jep kay Neil.

Madali akong basahin ni Neil kaya alam niyang idadaan na lang muna namin ito sa food trip. Kasi minsan, may mga bagay talagang mas mabuting di na sabihin. 

"O sige, tara."