All My Love|| 4 Years Later (COMPLETED)

N I N E T E E N

about a week has passed and i have what i hope is a solution to this problem, i'm getting an abortion. i haven't told anyone, not even Jonah and i hope with means i don't have to tell anyone after this. i got the papers today then i came home and sat at the bench doing stuff on my laptop, like i still am and it's Just Jonah, Sam and Daniel home with me.

"hey babe" Daniel says walking up to me, i turn my head allowing him to peck me lips, i turn back to the computer and his footsteps continue. his foot steps were quickly replaces with the ruffling of paper, i was to focused on my work to think about it.

"your pregnant?" my head snaps in Daniel's detection at his words "and getting an abortion? how long have you known? why haven't you told me? who knows? why are you getting a abortion? shouldn't i have some say on this?"

"no you shouldn't" i reply blankly

"why? we're in this together, it's my k-"

"it's not your fucking kid Daniel!" i shout cutting off Daniel

"then who's is it?"

"i-"

"no, i don't want to hear it, how could you do this to me? i ask you to marry me then you get pregnant with some kid that isn't mine! why Faith?"

"Daniel think about it-"

"no, i'm not going to listen your excuses! that's it Faith" he throws the papers on the bench and walk outside, we got into a short but bad fight. the fact that i'm hormonal doesn't help, it made me made, we both shouted and now a few tears escaped my eyes. 

i slam my laptop shut, shove it into my bag and run up to my room. i grab a couple things, twist the rings off my finger leaving them on Daniel's pillow and grabbing my bag along with the keys on my way out of the house. i knew Daniel wouldn't want me after this and he didn't even let me explain, it's not my fault i was raped.

the one place best for me to go when i feel like this is the studio, and that's exactly where i go. i get in the stdio, fall back on one of the love sacs and pull out my note book, the words just flow, the beat forming in my head as my pen glides over the paper leaving behind words full of emotion and pain. my letters linked and the words almost looked like scribbles but i know what was on the page, pain covered the page only disguised as words.

i clean myself up and post a picture, looking good as ever with the caption 'say what you want, your words don't faze me' huge lie. when Daniel yelled at me, my heart shattered and leaving those rings was like leaving him. have i left him? has he left me?

i know for a fact Jonah saw what happened, that's why he's been trying to call me and sending me text but i ignored them and started recording. it took me longer to record, i broke down, i couldn't stop crying, i couldn't move. i was stuck in a ball on the floor, headphones on hearing my own cries being pick up by the mic. i had to lock my feeling in a box, only allowing the anger to show in this song, this one was proving that i was fine on my own, even if i wasn't, even if the whole song was a lie it was how i dealt with this.

i messed around with the things, recorded multiple times, it felt good putting my anger into a song. i spent hours in the studio, writing, recording, doing the music, breaking down, crying to the point where the tears had gone and my sobs were all i could hear in the room, all i had left. i threw up from crying to much and the tears just started again, i can't live without Daniel, he's my everything. i hate getting into fights with anyone but this one with Daniel killed me, this stupid baby might have just ruined our relationship, or did i do that?

i scrapped all the recordings of my horrible voice after crying and got back in the both. i played the music and the words come naturally, i was done crying and sobbing, i was singing out my anger, what i needed to do from the beginning.

  Payback is a bad bitch
And baby, I'm the baddest

Now I'm out here looking like revenge
Feelin' like a 10, the best I ever been
And yeah, I know how bad it must hurt
To see me like this, but it gets worse (wait a minute)
Now you're out here looking like regret
Ain't too proud to beg, second chance you'll never get
And yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this
But it gets worse (wait a minute)

Now payback is a bad bitch
And baby, I'm the baddest
You fuckin' with a savage
Can't have this, can't have this (ah)
And it'd be nice of me to take it easy on ya, but nah

Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Being so bad got me feelin' so good
Showing you up like I knew that I would
Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Feeling inspired 'cause the tables have turned
Yeah, I'm on fire and I know that it burns

Baby, fineness is the way to kill
Tell me how it feel, bet it's such a bitter pill
And yeah, I know you thought you had bigger, better things
Bet right now this stings (wait a minute)
'Cause the grass is greener under me
Bright as technicolor, I can tell that you can see
And yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this
But it gets worse (wait a minute)

Now payback is a bad bitch
And baby, I'm the baddest
You fuckin' with a savage
Can't have this, can't have this (ah)
And it'd be nice of me to take it easy on ya, but nah

Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Being so bad got me feelin' so good
Showing you up like I knew that I would
Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Feeling inspired 'cause the tables have turned
Yeah, I'm on fire and I know that it burns

Talk that talk, baby
Better walk, better walk that walk, baby
If you talk, if you talk that talk, baby
Better walk, better walk that walk, baby
Oh yeah
Talk that talk, baby
Better walk, better walk that walk, baby
If you talk, if you talk that talk, baby
Better walk, better walk that walk, baby

Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Being so bad got me feelin' so good
Showing you up like I knew that I would
Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Baby, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry)
Feeling inspired 'cause the tables have turned
Yeah, I'm on fire and I know that it burns

Payback is a bad bitch
And baby, I'm the baddest
I'm the baddest, I'm the baddest  

i step out, listen back to the song, happy with it. i sent it to Elanor and told her not to put it anywhere public yet. i fall on the sac and look at my phone for the first time in about 8 hours, the time i have been here. everyone except Daniel had tried to all me, many missed calls form all o them, i had multiply texts from Jonah but one stood out. there was a picture of the dark room, my room with Daniel curled up, he looked to be crying but i couldn't be certain

he's cry, no one can get to him, he's lost without you, he's been like this for 3 hours now. please give us a sign you Safe, we're all worried

i told myself i wouldn't waist any more tears, but am i wasting them now? i blink away the tears refusing to cry and see another text from Jonah that stood out

i explained to him, he feels horrible, he's lock his door, we can't get to him, we can't get to you, please tell us something

no more tears today, i refuse. i see and text from Daniel. Daniel?

Jonah told me... i'm such an idiot... i have so much to tell you that i can't tell you over text, please come back Faith, i'm broken without you, i'm broken with your rings clutched in my hand when they should be on you finger... come back to me

i con't hold it any more, i can't hold the tears, it hurts seeing the picture of Danny like that, it hurts having him yell, it hurt being told what he's doing, he hurt me but i hurt him. i can't live without him but i can't leave the studio tonight, tonight i can't go back like this.

 i'll cry another river in here, i'll cry as many oceans as i need, this is my retreat for now, not telling anyone where i am, tonight it's just me, myself and my tears...

okay depressing sorry but it had to been don and just to make matters worse this is the end!

not really  but i am going on camp tomorrow and won't be able to update, so the next update on this or any other book of mine will be on Thursday. sorry to make you wait and it's just where things turned out, i didn't purposely make it like this, it just happened.

thanks for reading! vote and comment, show me your reading and what you think

Abbey