Wide Eyed (A Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter 25

Lily’s P.O.V.

He didn’t even try to contact me. No messages, no phone calls, no standing outside of my door. I don’t know why I’m even worried about him. He doesn’t seem to be worried about me.

Yesterday, after I saw him with her, I came to my room and cried my eyes out for hours. I fell asleep on my bathroom floor because of how emotionally drained I was.

I still feel drained today. I feel empty. I have no reason to smile, to cry, or to punch someone. I don’t feel anything but numbness. I couldn’t even bring myself to turn on some music, because silence is all I wanted to hear.

“How did you get so smart, Harry?”

“Experience and silence. People say only old people are wise because they experienced more.”

“Because we experience things, and we think about them. We watch other people experience things, and we think about them too. We learn how people react to bad experiences, just by watching and listening. Then it’s like we experienced them too. You begin to know how human emotions work, all types of them, without ever opening a psychology book.”

Harry’s words dance in my head, repeating themselves over and over.

“I feel like you’re this essence that I watch from behind a glass door, because my inferior being can’t exist in the same realm as you.”

“Harry, you are a child of the universe made completely out of stardust and galaxies.”

“You told me I’m the galaxies already. We’re a package deal now.”

My own words mocked me as I began to remember them. When I told Harry how I felt about him, I meant it. I think I still mean it. Even though I am lying in the broken shards that were once my heart, he still is the most beautiful person I have ever met.

“Were a package deal now” kept floating through my head. The silence in the room only reflected it, making it bounce back and forth off the walls.

I’m still sitting in the middle of my bathroom floor. I refuse to go into my room, because the temptation of lying on my bed will be too strong. And I know that remnants of him will still scattered across it. I could just sleep in Erin’s bed, but the thought made me feel a sense of no loyalty toward him. And even though I felt like everything he ever said to me was a lie, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I don’t know where Harry and I stand, but I do know that i need to get out of this room. I have no clue where I’d go though. Harry and I have been almost everywhere in this town together. The supermarket, 2 restaurants, the teenage club, the bridge, the park, McDonalds, the gym, and I wasn’t going to the frozen yogurt store because that’s his former job. There was basically nowhere else to go because this damn town is so small.

There was only one place where we haven’t been together; the library. I packed a water bottle in my over the shoulder purse and headed out the door, making sure to grab my library card.

As soon as I got to the library, I pulled out one book from every genre, skipping romance. I didn’t need to have a mental breakdown in the middle of the library.

Harry’s P.O.V.

“Ash, you’ve gotta help me.” I said, urgently.

“Help you with what?”

“Lily saw me helping Kasey and now she’s not talking to me. She took all of her stuff out of my dorm.”

“Jesus, Harry. You fucked up big time. I told you not to let that bitch get in the way of you and Lily. Just ‘cause I’m a jock, doesn’t mean I’m stupid. You should listen to me.”

“I know, but she won’t listen to my explanation, she keeps avoiding me. She’s been failing math and just recently pulled her grade up, and today she didn’t show up for math. Just so she didn’t have to see me.”

“Well, you should have just told her what Kasey was doing, she would’ve understood.  God, all people need to do to keep a relationship strong is talk to each other. And that’s what you need to do; go talk to her. And if Lily would have let you talk last night, you both wouldn’t be in these situations.”

“But Ash, she’s not answering her phone and I don’t know where she is.”

“Harry, shut the fuck up and stop making excuses. Stop finding a wrong reason and just go make things right.”

I nodded my head, thinking over his words in my heads. Ash nodded his head back, and went back to lifting weights.

I left the gym, and sat on a bench, thinking about how I was going to get her to listen to me.

”Stop making excuses. Stop finding a wrong reason.”

I went inside Lily’s dorm building and stood outside her dorm room. I didn’t knock because I knew she wouldn’t be in there. She knew that’s where I’d come looking for her. I sat there for 2 hours, before getting hopeless. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, but every time, they were never her.

Is this how I was going to live my life? Waiting for her to come back, knowing she never will? But still hoping that she’ll come back eventually.

Lily’s P.O.V.

I checked out three fairytale adventure/mystery books. I liked reading about the witches and how the townspeople were going to stop them. I found them amazing. I walked down the long hallway to my dorm, seeing a pile of a boy sitting next to my door.

A pang of fear struck my heart; it wasn’t ready to go back into heart strangling sadness. I needed a longer break. My nervous system started to get overwhelmed; my entire body recognized his. I don’t know whether I stopped walking so I could find a way to avoid him, or so I could look at him with awe.

He looked up and saw me, causing his heart to swell with fear, happiness, and remorse all at once.

“Lily, I’m sorry.” He whispered, trying to stop his voice from cracking.

His hands were trembling rapidly, along with the rest of his body. He sucked in a shaky breath, trying not to cry.

A lump formed in my throat, making it hard to do anything. I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t speak.  As the walls of the hallway closed in on me, the walls of my heart began building itself back up. It sensed danger and it began to protect itself from the suspect.

I walked toward Harry; his face showing relief. I stepped around his figure, and put my hand on the handle of the door.

“Lily, just listen to what I have to say.” He said, pulling my door shut. I was between him and my door, wishing he’d step back some.

“Kasey threatened that if I don’t help her do things, she would report to the dean that we’ve been sleeping together. It would be my last straw and I would be kicked out of the school. I thought that we’d never see each other again. Every time I was gone, I was doing something for her. Like doing her music theory homework, and bringing her to the gym. That’s how I met Ash. Yesterday when you saw me with her, I was going to tell her that I was finished with her because I was tired of lying to you. I’m sorry.”

Harry’s eyes shined with sorrow, and I ached to hug him. But the logical part of my brain told me that he still lied. I didn’t know the logic part of my brain still existed, but since it decided to show up, I decided to give it a chance.

“Ok.” I said, opening up my door.

“Lily, Please.”

“I have books to read. Bye, Harry.” I muttered, closing the door softly.

I heard him leaning as close to my door as possible.

“Lily, I’m sorry. I sorry for lying to you. I’ve made you feel so stupid. I made you late for your brother’s meeting. I’ve done things with you and then I blew you off constantly. I’m sorry.” he sobbed.

My body began to tremble as much as his was. I sunk down to the floor and hugged my knees into my chest.

I heard him kick the wall, whisper “I’m sorry” once more, and leave.