The Zoldyck's Nanny (Illumi x Reader)

Chapter Eleven: Her Fears

And for the next month, it was left at that. Illumi felt more comfortable showing some affection towards you and you were a little bit better at accepting it. However, this was not your main concern. The birth was approaching rapidly and a strange fear overtook you whenever your time wasn't occupied. You knew little about birth and this caused an even deeper fear to dwell inside of you. What if I mess it up and the baby dies? You would think to yourself. What if I die? People die all the time. But you kept the thoughts to yourself, not wanting to worry those around you.

Day in and day out, you became more reclusive, visiting the midwife constantly with questions surrounding what would happen. It never seemed to appease you and your fears did not subside. You practiced breathing techniques, birthing positions and researched anything you could about complications that could arise. I can't lose this baby, was a constant thought. He needs this baby... and he needs me. It was still uncomfortable to think that this cold-hearted assassin who had once only thought of you as a nuisance and a carrier of his child now felt such a deep feeling that as a young teen you weren't sure you could reciprocate. He was younger than you even! What business did he have professing love for you? Sometimes, you would chalk it up to pheromones that you released, your body trying to force a bond between you two for the baby. Other times you would come to almost accept it, thinking how pleasant it would be to have found your soulmate so early on. But thinking about him only temporarily distracted you from your real concerns.

Tonight was especially taxing on your psyche. You had been researching postpartum depression and psychosis. Even if you made it through the birth, you'd still have that mess to worry about. It was honestly giving you so much anxiety that sleeping was becoming a challenge, even though you were exhausted carrying around so much extra weight. And then it happened. You felt a sharp cramp in your pelvic region. Oh goodness, it's time. I'm not ready! You were panicking.

Immediately you shot out of bed and rushed as quickly to Illumi's room. For some reason, you felt like that should be the first place to go, rather than the on-site hospital.

"Illumi-san! ILLUMI-san!" You screamed out to him as you ran towards his sleeping figure. He immediately shot up, looking around wildly for you as his eyes adjusted to the dark. "I think the baby's coming! I'm not ready! I'm going to mess it up! I'm going to kill the baby or I'm going to die! I can't do it, I really can't!" You were hysterical. So hysterical in fact that as Illumi held you close on his bed, you barely felt the rest of the following contractions. He whispered softly to you.

"You will do fine, YN. You're training to become a master of nen, you can handle such a small task such as birth. I will be there for you as well. You must have forgotten that I, too, am highly trained. Even if any complications arose that our midwife, who has delivered both Milluki and me, could not handle, I could get you to and pay for the best doctor in Padokea. I would do it as well. You are the only woman for me. The only woman I will ever be with. I will not lose you."

He kneeled down next to you, laying his head against your belly. You began to calm down and wipe away your tears.

"If you call me YN, could I call you Illumi?" you ask, remembering the loss of your honorific.

"You can call me Illu if you like. But soon you'll probably just be referring to me as Papa." You smiled brightly and giggled at Illumi.

"You'll be with me when the baby comes, right... Illu?" He hid his blush against your stomach.

"Of course YN. Until then, you are welcome to stay in my bed. Maybe I could massage your back as to help with the pain."

"That sounds pleasant. I would like that Illu." You responded as you moved to lay on his bed. The contractions lasted all night, only allowing you to catch a nap here or there. Illumi kept to his word and tried his best to alleviate the pain for you.

At 6 am, on July 7th you awoke from another very brief nap to find that your water had finally broken. Shaking Illumi awake, you looked at him panicked.

"It's time to go to the midwife."

So you both left, alerting the butlers as well as the rest of the family that today was going to be the day.