Mute for a reason

Getting settled

**The song has no meaning to the chapter just stuck in my head ok continue reading**

Me and my babies have left the hospital. We have been out for a hour or too and are driving to the apartment. I'm an emotional wreck because well why not be when your life is falling apart and you just so happen to have kids. I probably said I was over it but I'm not. I can't feel like I did any right or wrong I can't feel that I did anything.

I just feel that I did something. My children are here they are alive I should feel glee that we are all ok but I don't. I just feel empty and worthless. And just as my train of thought was demoting my self esteem even more we arrived at my new home. Yay.

Not at all am I happy. Why do I feel this way. Why can't I just be normal. Oh wait I'm an eighteen year old girl who got raped and had twins. Yep normal probably isn't my forte.

Happiness is in the details. Happiness is in the details. Let's just make this apartment look nice and maybe that'll help me or a little in being happy. I just have to make it till I get my apartment nice. Then I'll for sure be happy.

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I lied. I wasn't happy after I finished. I just found more to make nicer but ended up stopping because the babies started crying. So now I'm hunched over in a corner just crying not really paying attention to anything. Then someone walks in and I just sit there. Not even paying attention.

They walk over to where I am and then I see who it is. It's Joseph. He came to check on me. The "new mom" the "slut" the "whore" I can only imagine what I'm being called at school. I wonder what people thought when I didn't show up for nine months. Oh well they probably thought I was pregnant, which I was, and was moved away. I don't know and honestly don't care. It's all the same.

The people are rude I ignore and just try to not be bothered by it but it doesn't work and I get mad/upset and end up walking out. I can't do that anymore though.

"Hey." He whispered like he was scared to talk. I guess it looked weird with me sitting in the corner so I stood up.

"Hey. Sorry about the mess I just got the kids back down and ended up needing a minute. How was school?" I was genially curious.

"To be honest it's pretty bad. People know you had twins so all I heard today was gossip about it. I honestly don't know how people found out." He actually looked concerned like it would affect me. It didn't I knew who sent it out.

"So the normal thing basically?" Like this wasn't normal. Any girl who has been either raped or had sex and had a kid is criticized for becoming a parent but why? Why is she judged for becoming the hardest job and being constantly put down because she has a baby? It makes no sense I'm young I had twins but no it doesn't defy me.

"Yep the normal it's funny isn't it?"

"What?"

"How we didn't know each other now I'm standing in your apartment filling you in on details on a school I ditch half the time." Joseph said it as if he was reliving old memories.

"Yea it's actually pretty funny." And just then Nikluas began to cry filled by Rebekah.

"Well I should go get them up." I said quietly and walked into their room. Joseph followed me.

"Hey little babies what's wrong." I cooed to them and picked them both up.

"Hushhhh little one don't be upset hush it's ok mommy is here yes she is. And she's not leaving ever." I had to promise it to them because I had to make it real for myself. My mother didn't technically leave me but she did leave me. Along with my father.