Mute for a reason

Blooming love

Waking up I felt weak. Walking around my new home hurt. Seeing my children hurt. Trying to breathe hurt. Everything hurt.

I couldn't see straight, my legs felt like they were ready to collapse. I felt like life was pulling me down even more than it should've. Gravity was pressing down on my entire body. I went to the bathroom. Saw the razor blades laying there.

I picked one up and it hasn't left my hand since. I'm still in the bathroom. I'm still in the floor. I still can't move. I don't know why.

I feel like I can't move. I feel like I've been paralyzed by something. Guilt maybe. All I know is that I want it to end again. I want it to all be over.

Everything needs to stop. Then there's an opening of a door. He's here. He comes everyday. He comes to make sure I'm okay.

I say I am but I'm not. I'm crumpling into nothing. My heart is just beating. I'm not alive. I'm breathing.

Barely making it through each day. I hear footsteps near the bathroom door. The nob turns. He walks in. He doesn't se the razor at first. He sees me and a look of worry is on his face.

I cut my wrists. Blood present but not enough to drip or kill me. Even if I wanted to it wouldn't work. Because he comes everyday. And everyday I want to die.

"Why?" A question so basic it hurt. A question so easy to be answered but I can't answer it. So I stay silent.

"Anna why did you do it? Answer me!" HES on the floor next to me. I can't say very much because it hurts to talk but I try anyway.

"I-I needed to fe-feel some-something." Each world felt like acid. I break down crying.

"Shhh it's okay it's okay just please stop. Don't do this." He sounds urgent. Like something has happened like this to him before.

"I had an older brother." He must've picked up on my questioning gaze. "He couldn't take some of the pressure our parents put on him. He began to cut his wrists. I didn't know why I was so young."

"God I was young. I came home from school one day ready to tell him something exciting that had happened. Instead I was met with a note. A suicide note. He was being bullied at school. He took a bunch of sleeping pills and just was gone."

I was still. I couldn't believe it. How insensitive could I be? I shouldn't have done this. I make myself move to grab bandages.

He is still next to me his eyes worried and glossy. I felt horrible. How just how could I make this better? Why couldn't I of just dealt with my pain! Why couldn't I have been normal!

It's not my fault was it? It wasn't my fault I was abused. Or was it? It wasn't my fault that I had no one. Or was it?

God why am I such a mess? Why can't I just live with everything. Then my two little ones began to cry and along with them me. Joseph was quick to move next to me and hold me. I didn't know why.

I didn't deserve it. I am a worthless human who just needs to die. I begin to try and push him away but he doesn't budge. Making me cry harder. I cry and cry.

Eventually we both get up and get the twins. Him holding Rebekah me holding Nik. Joseph was always there for me. He was perfect while me? I'm just worthless.

I didn't deserve anything. I didn't even deserve to have my life. It was now that I realized that I have so many issues all because of my parents. I was a sex slave to them. A person that had to be sold and bought just to have attention.

I didn't even want the attention I was getting. I needed to see someone. I needed to see someone desperately.

"I want to see a therapist." I stated so that Joseph could hear me.

"I think you should. It could be good to voice what's going on to someone." He was right. He always was.

"I just wanted to let you know."

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*an hour later*

"Hey so I'm going to head out soon." Joseph said walk towards me. I was in the kitchen making dinner for myself the kids were napping.

"Okay you sure you could stay for dinner?" I didn't want to be alone again.

"I mean yea sure if you want I could." Yes I wanted you to.

"Yeah, yeah I do." As I said I didn't want to be alone.

"Okay let me go call my mom and let her know." He went into the other room.
I went back to cooking. Turning on the radio to a song *song at top of page* and started to listen. It was good at least in my own opinion.

"Hey so I can stay however long I need." He was a good person I didn't deserve his presence.

"Cool. So I'm just making Alfredo for dinner if that's okay with you." I only had noodles and chicken in my house because well I haven't been out in a while.

"Yea that's fine." He was smiling. Then he walked in the kitchen. He leaned next to me on the counter.

"So how have you been?" I asked half not caring half looking at his lips. Yes I'm being a cringe girl who wants to kiss the dude by knows she can't because she isn't worth it.

"Good, I've been good." He was distracted. Then he moved in putting his lips on mine. This went from zero to one hundred real fast but I'm not complaining. I kissed back.

Our kiss lasted till the oven beeped breaking us apart. I quickly turned off the oven and we continued. Deepening the kiss. Not bad for a depressed girl. I could tell he wanted to go further. So did I.

He licked my lips asking for entry I granted. We deepened the kiss more now my fingers going through his hair his rubbing my sides. We both go into my room fumbling along the way. Landing on the bed.

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Hahahahahaha I'm Satan I know 😂😂. Okay so how did you like the chapter? Did it fit your smutty needs? I honestly don't care I became to awkward to write more. So I just wanted to say one more chapter left.

I was crying writing this chapter even though I'm happy to begin writing my other story this was one of my first stories and I'm happy so may people liked it. I didn't really like it because of how rushed it feels but others did so. I still am upset but just wanted everyone to know that I have become obsessed with Kodaline. No not Kodak, Kodaline. He's the person who sang the song above.

Okay and another thing enjoy reread because after this as I said one more chapter left. Ok question time.

How have you been since last chapter?

Did you like this chapter?

Are you excited for the end of this story?

Are you upset for the end?

Did you cry while reading this? I did.

Don't worry finale chapter coming either this week or sometime during the weekend idk. Ok have a nice time until the next update.

Bye my lovelies.