The Greatest of These (Sequel to Kansas Summer) -- Faith

October 29, 2003

Jenna--

Where is my darling husband?  The time is 7:30, and I know the feed store closes at 6:00.  Colin is never late.  I know he can't wait to throw open the door and find dinner all cooked and on the table, the house clean, and me jumping into his arms and kissing him, just like I do every day.  I lean on the table set for two and wonder where he is.  I guess I will just have to trust him; I can't call the store because we decided that a home phone was an extra expense for us, so the only one we have is at the store.

Patience, patience, I tell myself.  There's a perfectly logical reason that he's late.  I have never lost faith in him for a moment in my life, and I won't start now.  But where was he?

As soon as the thought enters into my mind, I hear the gravel outside rattle, which means that my love has returned.  Not even waiting for him to open the door, I make a dash for it so that I can meet him outside.  

I fly out of the door and across the driveway, catching him just as he closes the door of the pickup truck.  I giggle as he grasps me by the waist, raises me up, and spins me around before setting me back down on the ground so that I can wrap my arms around his rough neck and kiss his weathered lips that I have come to love.

"I'm sorry I am late," he begins as I lean my head against his plaid shirt-clad chest, "I got held up at the store.  I wish I could have gotten home sooner to you, my love, but the conversation went longer than I wanted it to."

I look up to my man with my womanly "I want you to tell me what's wrong, but I'm not actually going to ask you what's wrong" stare, complete with furrowed eyebrows.  Colin hesitates, thinking about what he will say next.

"Can we eat, hon?  I'm famished."  I give him my consent as he leads me back into our house.

After saying the blessing, Colin digs hungrily into the ham steaks and mashed potatoes in front of him.  I don't begin to eat, I just stare at him, begging him to tell me about his day.  It takes a little bit of subtle coaxing, but soon he gets the hint.  Wiping a bit of orange sauce from his mouth, he starts where he left off:

"I had just finished taking inventory when an old face showed up at the door.  You'll never guess who."  The look that I gave him said that I wasn't even going to try.  "It was Coach Schroeder, you know, Mr. Schroeder, our algebra and calculus teacher?  Anyway, he told me that he was offered a position at a high school in Salina that he was financially inclined to take.  However, the thing that he would miss most would be the Frisbee team.  The team is really young this year, and he really wanted to watch and help them mature, but he wouldn't be able to do that if he took the other job, so he wanted to know if I would take his place coaching for the rest of the year until the school finds someone to replace him."

I smile genuinely, happy for him.  I know that this would be a wonderful release for him, especially since I know he doesn't really enjoy working at the store.  "Good for you, honey!" I encourage him, "I know you'll be good at it!"

He smiles.  He smiles only a little bit.  I can sense that there's something deeper.  I don't even have to give him the look before he tells me what the problem is.  

"The problem is that I will either have to find someone to run the store while I attend practices and games, or close the store early.  I don't want to do either.  I don't have enough money to hire another person, and I don't think it's fair to change the operating hours for something like this, even if the harvest season is ending and business is slowing up.  I told Mr. Schroeder that I'd take some time to think about it.  Told him I'd have to ask the two most important people in my life before I made a decision."

My heart flutters when I hear his words.  I know exactly who he is going to ask: God and me.  I am truly blessed to have such a husband who is conscious of both his Lord and his wife, knowing that whatever he does has an effect on both of them.  I feel respected knowing that even though I won't make the final decision, my husband still trusts me enough to give him counsel.  However happy I feel at his genuine devotion, I can't help but feeling saddened at the grief he feels, the grief that comes from knowing that you can't have both sides of a two-sided coin land face up.  The opportunity to go back to Frisbee, something I know he is passionate about more than anything else, would make him light-hearted and youthful again, but at the same time, I know that he feels an incredible responsibility to provide for us.

"I don't feel that I have the wisdom to answer this question, honey," I tell him simply.  "I think that we should both pray about this and see what God reveals to us."  My husband face erupts in a crooked smile, chuckling.

"That's wisdom enough," he replies, stuffing more mashed potatoes in his face.