The Greatest of These (Sequel to Kansas Summer) -- Faith

April 18, 2004

--Jenna

       I sit at the table with the single light hanging over me, watching me stir my cocoa for the millionth time; it's been cool for well over an hour.  My mind is in another place, the place where Colin is.  I long to see him again.  These few days without him have been painful for me not being able to feel my lover next to me.

        I don't know that it is already past midnight, but it doesn't even bother me.  My heart pounds in anticipation to hear his truck come into the driveway.  I start to sip my cocoa, but quickly swallow with disgust; it is too cold.  Wrinkling my face, I put it back in the microwave for two minutes, and lean against the countertop, wiping my head.  It has been quite a long few days of keeping the house, and I've missed Colin's comforting company.  I guess I've taken him for granted a little bit; it's not been until I've not had him to help with the chores that I've realized how much of a difference he actually makes.  Well, it's not that I haven't appreciated him, heavens no, but maybe that I just haven't thought of ever being without him.  

        I squeeze my eyes together, trying to wrestle with my insecurity.  Am I too attached to Colin?  Am I being too clingy when I crave his presence after only a few days?  It's true that last night I cried before I went to to bed--I couldn't help it--there was just something wrong without Colin by my side.  All because of Europe: those torturous years without love.  Was I wrong to try to squeeze all of the love and acceptance that I could out of Colin?  I groan out loud, slamming my hands back on the counter.  Tears form in my eyes.  I don't care what anyone else says.  I just want someone to hold me and tell me that they love me.  This loneliness is almost unbearable.

        Suddenly, my head lifts off my chest.  My ears strain to hear what I think it is.  My heart flutters in anticipation.  Through the windows, I can see headlights turning in the driveway.  I abandon my hot chocolate in the microwave and rush out to the front porch in time to see my Colin close his door and drag his suitcase out of the back of the truck.  My feet can't keep still and my mouth can't stop smiling as I watch him make his way up to me.

        With a trademark Colin grin, he sets down his suitcase and stoops down to let me wrap my arms around him.  I squeeze him tightly around his neck and bury my face in his.  We share a long, impassioned kiss before Colin runs his arms down mine, and pulls away.  He stands up and looks down at me, beaming.

        "Jen, man, you don't know how long I've waited for that," he breathes.

        I can only smile back at him, heart bursting with love and passion.

        "Let's take this inside, shall we?" he grins.  I happily oblige.

        Once we are inside again, I take his lips to mine again, this time for even longer.

        "Wow, Jen," Colin remarks, "You must really have missed me."

        "Oh, Colin," I stammer, eyes welling up, almost to the breaking point, "I--I couldn't stand being without you.  I need to be loved.  I need to be held.  I need to make up for the love I missed while I was..."

        "Jenna," Colin soothes softly, holding me to him tightly, "I'm here.  I'm here."  My tears flow as he caresses my back, letting them fall on his shoulder.  "I love you.  I love you," he whispers.  I raise my head up to gaze into his eyes, his gentle, loving eyes.  His weathered thumb slides under my own eyes to wipe away the tears.  I sniffle and take a deep breath as my husband leans in for another kiss.

       "Thank you," I breathe, leaning into his shoulder again.  "This might sound silly, but I was forgetting how it felt--to be loved."  Colin holds me again.

       "I will always be more than happy to love you as much as you need to be loved, Jen," Colin tells me softly.  He lets go of me and pats my arms before picking up his suitcase and leading me into the bedroom.  "I really could go for a nice shower," he groans, massaging his shoulder, neck, and legs.  "This driving has got me so sore."  The fatigue in his eyes lights mine up.

        "I'll give you a little massage," I offer, "It's the least that I could do."  I walk over into the bathroom and start running the water while Colin sits on the bed, hunched over like a rag doll.  He makes me smile.  After making sure that the water is running, I walk behind Colin and start massaging his back, slipping my hand under his layers of shirts, slowly removing each one.  "How was the tournament?" I ask, a little embarrassed that I hadn't asked sooner.  I feel my husband relax as he lets out a contented sigh.

        "We won."  I jump for joy inside, proud of my darlng.  I let him know how proud I am of him, and all he does is turn around and kiss me again.  "But what I'm most proud of is you, Jenna."