The Greatest of These (Sequel to Kansas Summer) -- Faith

December 22, 2003

Colin--

I wake to Jenna groaning in bed.  Rolling over to investigate, I see that all is not well.  My beautiful wife looks quite sickly.  Her forehead is scrunched up in a grimace and her lips are pursed like she's holding something back.

"Jen?" I whisper, hoping to evoke a response.

"I'm sorry Colin.  It hurts to speak.  It hurts to move anything.  My stomach..." she trails off slowly, painfully.

"Is there anything I can get for you?" I offer.

"I don't feel like eating anything," she answers weakly.

I wish that I could stay and help her, but I have to get ready for work.  I plant a kiss on her warm forehead.  "I'll be back after I finish in the barn," I promise, kissing her again and rolling out of bed.

When I come back in from the cold, Jenna is still in bed, but has sat up; that's a small relief for me.  "Can I get you something for breakfast, darling?" I ask her sweetly, hoping to lighten her mood,  She painfully smiles, and my heart sinks.  

"No, thank you, Colin," she replies weakly, "I'm just not feeling well.  I mean, I don't want you to be worried, but it's just gonna take a little bit to get out of bed."

"Do you need me to help you?" I ask, hurrying over to her side.

Jenna looks up at me with the tiniest bit of independence, but she succumbs to my help.  Gingerly, I help her to her feet.  My wife's hands fly to her stomach and her face twists up again.  Very slowly, I help her out of the bedroom into the living room, and ease her onto the couch.  A quick feeling of relief seems to come over her.

"Thank you, Colin," she tells me, planting a kiss on my lips.

"Now, would you like some breakfast?"

"Not anything really heavy.  Perhaps some oatmeal.  And some tea," she adds.  I move to the kitchen and put some water on the stove, promising her that I will be back to fix the rest of her meal after I take a shower.

I waste no time, even ignoring the cold water streaming from the showerhead.  But even after throwing on my clothes, walking into the kitchen with my arms still not in their sleeves, the water still bubbles furiously.  I shut off the burner and let the bubbling subside, walking back into the living room and taking a seat next to my love.  She lays her head in my lap and closes her eyes as I slowly run my fingers through her hair.

The question that I've been meaning to ask her has been eating me alive.  Swallowing, I ask: "Could you be pregnant?"  Jenna's eyes fly open at the mention of pregnancy.

"I...I don't know," she stammers.  "Maybe.  I..."  She begins to sit up, but I hold her down.

"Shh," I tell her.  "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.  No need to get worked up, my darling.  Do you think you need to go to the doctor?"

Jenna shakes her head.  "I feel a little better.  I think that something warm will help settle me."  

I tenderly lift her head off of my lap and help her sit up again, then I go into the kitchen to make her tea and oatmeal.  When I return to Jenna's side, she places the food on the coffee table.

"I'll take the truck this morning.  And don't worry about any chores.  I'll take care of them when I get back; the store's closing early, so I should be back by four,  Be safe, my darling.  I love you."  Again, we kiss, but this time, I feel that Jenna is more relaxed, which lightens my mood.  With that, I disappear out the door and leave for work.

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I return from work a little later than I said that I would, but I have a good reason.  Walking in the door, I find Jenna sitting on the couch, still in her bathrobe, reading a book.  A metal pot pokes out from the other side of the couch, but I don't say anything about it.  My darling sets down her book when she sees me walk in.  I smile and run to her, kneeling down so that she can hug me.  

"Are you feeling better, my love?" I ask.

"Much better," she smiles.  "It's probably all of this tea that I've been drinking."  She laughs and looks up at me expectantly.

"I--uh, got you something," I confess, pulling out a WalMart bag from inside my coat pocket.  Jenna takes it from my hand and unravels it.  I can almost feel her breathing shallow.  I swallow.  "I would really like for you to take it.  You--you have to go to the bathroom?"  I slide my hands into my pockets in absolute embarrassment for having to ask.

"Well, yes," Jenna stammers, "I will go ahead and take it."

"I did stand in a line and let the cashier scan it," I tell her.  "It was pretty awkward for a guy to be buying a pregnancy test," I joke, trying to destroy the tension.

"I'll be right back," Jenna tells me with little emotion, rising from the couch, waving off my attempt to help her up.  I let her disappear into the bedroom to take care of her business. 

My attention is drawn to the metal pot next to the couch.  I pick it up and take it into another bathroom to wash and clean it out.

We both return to the living room ten minutes later, Jenna with the pregnancy test, and me with a clean, vomit-free pot.  She hands me the test and wraps her arms around my middle and laying her head on my chest.  I read the result: negative.  

"I'm not pregnant," Jenna murmurs.  "I'm sorry, Colin."

"Aww, Jen, don't be.  It just wasn't God's will.  We will keep praying about it."  I kiss the top of her head and give her a small squeeze.