The Greatest of These (Sequel to Kansas Summer) -- Faith

March 22, 2004

--Colin

        Life continues for us, though not as happily as it had before the news of Jenna's infertility.  She still carries on her daily routine as if nothing has changed, but I can see it in her eyes.  The way her eyelids half-close when she stands still for a second or two, the way her sigh seems to drag out as she leans against the wall.  I wish that I could be there for her twenty four hours a day, but my work unhappily prevents me from doing so.  However, when I am home, I shower her with all of the love I can give her.

        "Good morning, my love," I whisper into her ear as I approach from behind where she is sitting at the breakfast table, and wind my hand through her luscious brown hair.  She leans against my hand and turns to kiss me.  I kneel in front of her, placing my hands on her waist and kiss Jenna on her lips.  A short sigh of pleasure escapes and my heart leaps.  

        I wait a few seconds before I pull away and take my own seat at the table.  Jenna has made delicious-looking corn muffins.  I take a few from the basket and split them in half, spreading jam on each half, and then bite into one thoughtfully.  Savoring the taste, I close my eyes.  "Thank you, my love.  These are wonderful."  As I take another bite, Jenna rises from her chair, bathrobe fluttering around her petite body.  She sits down on my lap and I place an arm around her to steady her.  My wife traces her tongue against my cheek. 

        "You were dripping jelly, darling," she giggles.  I set down the muffin I am eating and draw up her legs, holding all of her in my arms, still giggling.  I begin to chuckle as well and hold Jenna tightly to me, never wanting to let her go.

        "There is Frisbee practice tonight," I inform Jenna, "I will be late for dinner."  I see the disappointment in her eyes.  "You and I both committed to this," I remind her.  She nods her head.

        "I know.  Aren't you all going to the district tournament in the next few weeks?"

        "Yes," I say slowly, blowing air out of my cheeks, "But I'm not looking forward to that."

        "Why not?" Jenna asks, sipping her mug of hot chocolate.

        "I don't know.  I just want to be with you.  I wish I didn't have all of these responsibilities."

        Jenna sets her mug on the coffee table and wraps her arms around me.  "Colin, I may not show it, but I am alright.  Don't let my feelings stop you from doing what needs to be done.  I--I just need a little more time to gather myself, but I promise you that I will be myself again in a few weeks.  What makes me the happiest is knowing that I have a man who does love me no matter what, and you have proven that to me.  I can repay you no more than what you have given me.  It is difficult for me to show it right now, but I do love you."  She steps towards me and we touch lips for one second, three seconds, ten, fifteen.  "Please don't blame me for not being as intimate with you as you want me to."

        "Aww, Jen.  Don't say things like that.  The Bible says that we may deprive ourselves only to devote ourselves to prayer.  Of course you need your time.  Let God make you right."  I press her tight to me.

        "Now go, Colin.  Make me proud," Jenna smiles, playfully pushing me out of the door.

.        .        .

        Mr. Kenner and I stand on the sidelines and watch the players as they practice their drills.

        "Did you ever think that they could be this good?" he asks me.

        I grin.  "If there's anything I have learned, it's that you can't judge a team by their first practice."

        "I don't understand.  I've never seen a team make such a turn-around.  I could never have done this myself.  I don't even believe that I did any real coaching when you were in high school.  It was like you..."

        "Trusted each other?" I finish.  "That's what it was.  The problem nowadays is that nobody trusts anyone anymore.  A fair amount of encouragement and even less discipline, but nothing motivates more than trust.  We trusted our teammates to complete plays, to be open, and to be selfless.  That's the secret."  I return my attention to the field.  "Good throw, Barnes!  Keep it up!"

        "That wasn't a good throw, and you know it," Coach Kenner muses.

        "No, it wasn't," I confess.

        "Then why are you trying to flatter them?"

        "It's not flattery.  Flattery is false encouragement intended for a negative purpose.  True encouragement gives hope."

        "We're gonna need a lot of hope, that's for sure."

        I smile.  "Very true.  But I have lots of hope.  Good completion, Harris!"

        There are a few seconds of silence before Coach Kenner shatters it.  "For what's happened the past months, you seem to be in a happy mood.  Why are you so happy all the time?"

        I chuckle as I shake my head, lifting it up to gaze across the field at the setting Kansas sun.  "I cry myself to sleep almost every night.  I wouldn't call that happy."

        "Then, what's your secret?"

        I turn on my heel to face my old coach.  "Hope.  I have hope that things will get better."

        Every so often, a person might feel moved.  Even less often, a person may feel a spiritual presence.  And then there is the joy of the Lord.  It is at this moment that I am overwhelmed with it.  I can't help but smile and praise God silently for giving us hope. 

.        .        .

        I burst through the front door, unable to contain my excitement at seeing my darling wife.  I quickly find her in the kitchen making dinner as I sweep her up into a swirling embrace before giving her a smooch on the lips.  By the time I set Jenna down on her feet again, the initial shock has worn off and she is grinning as much as I am.

        "Alright, what's got you all worked up?" she teases.

        "Well," I begin, leaning against the counter, admiring her, "I just want to tell you first that you are the most beautiful woman in the world and that I'm very proud to be your husband."

        Jenna laughs out loud and returns to stirring something on the stove as I lean in to kiss her neck several times.

        "Anything else?" she asks sweetly.

        "Well," I begin, "I have a proposition to make."

        "What sort of proposition?"

        "Well, I just got to thinking about our current family situation, and I think that there might be a solution for us."

        Jenna's eyebrows furrow as she diverts her attention to me.  "If it has anything to do with any surgery, forget it, Colin.  We don't have the money for it."

        I place my hand on my love's shoulder.  "No, Jen," I reply, kissing the top of her head, "I was wondering how you would feel about adopting a child."

        The corner of Jenna's mouth curls.  "I think that that's a wonderful idea, but I think that we need to seriously consider this.  We are a little young to be parents still, and we don't have a whole lot of money at the moment.  It's a nice thought, and I appreciate it, but I think that God has given us this season to prepare us for the future in more ways than one.  Perhaps later, we can talk about adopting, but for now,"  She sets down her spoon and turns around, wrapping her arms about me.  "let's just be us."