A Need to Suffer

Until We Meet Again

Chapter Fourteen

Until We Meet Again

Morning seemed to come much more quickly than Sansa wished; she’d hardly slept. As she and a servant packed for her journey, her mind raced on so many possibilities and outcomes regarding Ramsay’s mother. Would she reveal more awful truths about Ramsay that she would rather not be privy to? What kind of person would she be? Would she even still be alive and the journey made for not? Of course these were just curiosities and not what had really kept her from slumber; what kept her lying awake through much of the night was the thought of leaving Ramsay behind and what might happen in the length of time she was gone.

Sansa still didn’t know fully what to expect out of Ramsay. Up until last night, she’d believed him to be quite docile after all he’d been through, and with her he seemed to still be rather subdued and eager to please (so much so she’d found herself extending entirely too much trust to him.) Looking back, Sansa was more than aware how incredibly reckless it was to have done what she’d done with Ramsay the previous night by unclasping his manacles with no guards present, but when all was said and done, she didn’t regret it. Ramsay had needed the comfort, and giving it to him had given her something as well.

Thinking of him now brought a smile to pass her lips; she had in fact developed a decidedly keen interest in Ramsay where the two should by all rights despise one another. For all the grievous atrocities each had inflicted upon the other, it astonished Sansa that both were seemingly able to mutually move past them and find something else within each other to help balance the pain and collectively begin to heal. She supposed there was an unsaid understanding between the two to forgive since varying degrees of cruelty had been passed between them equally. His crimes still quite outweighed hers, and as such, Sansa thought Ramsay may have accepted his place by her side as the best he was sure to receive even if he may not agree it was what he deserved. Sansa wondered constantly now where exactly their relationship was going or really could go. It was something she had to seriously consider as he was becoming much more to her than just a favored toy, which was what he had been to her when she’d first decided to spare his life.

The complexity of their relationship was hard to comprehend for either of them let alone anyone on the outside looking in, and it kept becoming more convoluted the longer they spent any time together. Eventually those of note would have questions especially if Ramsay was accompanying her around the keep (which was also something she planned to address when she returned as the thought of keeping Ramsay chained to the mattress in the dungeon for the foreseeable future wasn’t going to be acceptable for her, and it was likely going to be unacceptable to others given his transgressions against so many houses. Reparations would have to be made at some point to mend some of the damage Ramsay had wrought Sansa knew, and perhaps that was something she would discuss with Jon upon her return.)

Ramsay was willing to submit to her, but the reasoning was still a bit of a mystery on whether it was because of her or because of her station dictating how he was to be treated. For Jon’s sake, she hoped the latter as unlike the guards that had harassed Ramsay, Jon would remain neutral with him, but Jon also had a lot of reason to hate the man and likely would have a lot shorter fuse when dealing with him if Ramsay was to be difficult. She knew Jon would look out for Ramsay well enough, he’d given her his word that he would no matter how he’d internally objected to the idea; what really worried Sansa was how the two would get along when she wasn’t there to buffer any disgruntlement between them. Jon wasn’t anywhere near the threat those guards were to Ramsay in nature, but neither was Jon her as far as Ramsay was concerned.

It was easy to see that there was a friction of competition between them (at least for Ramsay) for the mere fact that they were both considered bastards; it was more than obvious from the point Ramsay and Jon had met to the letter Ramsay had sent to the wall (it still turned her stomach to think of the threats therein; with every vile word spilt of Ramsay threatening to do harm in his letter, those words had all intentionally been aimed at Jon and what he held dear.) Unlike Ramsay, Jon had risen to find respect as a bastard through his own accord. No title had been given to him through the mercy of a bastard king, and yet Jon still was held in the highest regard as if he were in fact born and bred a noble. That alone had most certainly caused Ramsay’s blood to boil; of course these points had surfaced when they had been dealing with the old Ramsay. It still remained to be seen how much of the old Ramsay still persisted or would resurface in her absence as it had last night. Sansa hoped none, but she had strong doubts as the man always had a willful streak that was more than formidable. She would warn Ramsay to be on his best behavior in hopes her words would help influence his actions in her absence like they did in her presence.