A Need to Suffer

Reckoning

Audio chapter: 

https://app.box.com/s/ujhygapnu8qwfuuth2zq1lk5dni2ajsc

Chapter Thirty-Six

Reckoning

It didn't take long to traverse the hallways and return to Sansa's bed chambers, in fact the space of time seemed all too quick and dreadfully slow in dichotomy. Every step Ramsay took felt leaden with the weight of what awaited him; he had pushed away the fact that this punishment was due to come with everything else that had passed between the two. Ramsay had dimly hoped that maybe Sansa had managed to misplace her promise in the activity that they had shared and the impromptu events that had surprised them both into being called to join Jon for dinner. Those hopes had been dashed the moment Sansa had humiliated him with her open statements to Jon; she'd addressed his punishments so directly that being present in the wave of their exposure had humbled Ramsay into muteness.

Sansa hadn't outwardly stated Ramsay had been spanked by Jon, but she had mentioned the markings across his buttocks (as if anyone, servant or guard, in the room could have missed that bit of news and not formulated exactly what Sansa was referring to.) Even if her statement was remarkably missed by those mingling in the room, Ramsay wasn't a fool, he knew rumors had likely done laps around the estate by now to the point that the whole of Wintertown (if not much of the North) was likely privy to his personal sufferings and the details therein regarding the Starks as his new keepers. Jon's own embarrassment only added to Ramsay's mortification of the scene unfolding before him; it was akin to being mounted on a runaway horse bound to buck you to the ground where you were unable to do more than wait with dread for the inevitable to play out.

The whole of Sansa's statement left no doubt that Ramsay was going to be punished by her and that the two were leaving dinner to do just that. This further loss of face left meeting anyone's gaze no matter their station too much for Ramsay to bear witness to. Leaving the study, the overwhelming groundswell of this disgrace poured through his being as Ramsay moved in a daze lurching forward with eyes drawn to the floor bulging in lingering shock; he felt as if he'd been punched in the gut, winded in the attempt to regain his composure. His face bore the hue of red so flush he was almost purple as Ramsay's mind ticked over the damning answers Sansa had elicited out of Jon.

She was angry, and it was not the brewing 'spill out over time' irritation that Ramsay had come to see as a trigger to be wary of but a tempest fury pronounced by her footfalls that snapped with the preciseness of her squared heels clapping down onto the cold limestone floor. The sharp resonance echoed the only sound Ramsay's ears absorbed. Each step Sansa took now served to shrivel Ramsay's insides further. Was he really this afraid of a spanking? Yes and no. The pain was exacting and something to be reckoned with, but it was bearable; what bothered Ramsay most now was the emotional tax having to endure this form of discipline levied upon him. Coupled with the pain was humiliation, and much worse, a looming disappointment. This letdown stung deeper than any physical wound, and where he'd known this bite discontent well with his own father; Ramsay had come to expect to frustrate the man and saw the bar as always being set too high to attain true approval to begin with. That wasn't the case with Sansa though; she hadn't asked much of Ramsay when she'd left on her journey other than for him to 'be good' for her brother, Jon. Recounting the past two weeks as they marched back to the bedroom, Ramsay knew that he'd failed this simple request miserably, and it was eating at him terribly.

It disheartened Ramsay to the core, and where before he had mentally worked out this scenario several times over as to how he could justify his actions to Sansa and why what had happened was just a misshapen circumstance of the situation he was presented with; thinking on what he planned to say now brought to light how very hollow his excuses really were. If anything, Ramsay grasped trying to downplay his misdeeds before Sansa would do him no favors (either for his soon to be sore flesh or Sansa's opinion of him.) This realization served to somber Ramsay's mood further feeling ensnared to his own culpability of the actions he'd taken and the further repercussions they now prompted he endure.