Unsent Letters

September Memory

I've always heard the song wake me up when September ends. I do love the song because it warms my heart. But, this September, I wouldn't want to let it end because I finally had the chance to be with you again. I know we've broken up a long time ago. Three months or maybe four, perhaps. It seemed like a very long time to me, and I suffered so much throughout that time. I tried to keep myself from missing you. I stopped myself whenever I would want to look at you and run to you to hold you and kiss you. I've held myself back all this time. It was hard. It was really hard. I had to look away whenever I see you having fun with some other girl. I had to hide away to avoid bumping into you and letting you see just how miserable I am. I wondered, do you ever feel the same way? I mean, I never see you sad since the day that we've said goodbye and let this relationship go to waste. I cried myself then. I cried my heart out and begged you to stay, but I never saw remorse in your eyes. No pain, no regrets. Nothing. You said you wanted to be alone, to be free, and away from me. You wanted to do the things you want to do without me telling you not to. I'm sorry if I stopped you or held you back from doing what you wanted. I didn't want to see you go. I did not want you to feel so restricted. You said you just want to enjoy your youth, your being a guy and enjoying being single for once in your life. Why? Why did you need to feel that? Am I not enough for you? I've always given you what I could. Every time you call me up, I'd always come running. I would always want to make you laugh, make you happy. I loved being with you. I loved doing silly things with you. I missed your laughter and your smile. I missed your eyes and your arms that hold me tight, but most of all, I missed you. I missed you and I still do. I remember the time you asked me out for a movie and I was so shy then. I didn't know what to do. I was so excited to be with you. I went to the restroom and realized I was in the wrong one. How stupid of me. I came to you laughing,telling you how stupid I was. I remember how you told me you knew I was going the wrong way and thought I just wanted to walk the other way. I buried my face on your chest because I was too embarrassed. Do you remember? You looked at me like an adult looking adorably at an embarassed child. You looked at me like I was so adorable you want to just cuddle me and kiss me on my forehead. Do you remember? How so often you would forget my birthday and I would not talk to you and wait for you to remember? You would secretly find ways to make it up to me. With just that sweet melting look and cute smile, I'll hug you and I'll feel okay. Then one birthday, you surprised me with a simple chocolate mousse that you bought off of SM because you couldn't find anywhere else that you'd pass by or near school. You made letters and even the envelope you used to keep the letter. You made them all by hand, the letter, the designs, although you told me you really didn't know how to make outstanding poems and so you researched online for a cuute poem. You simply edited some parts to make it personalized for me. You said you'd never give up. You told me, through that letter, how much you are thankful to have me and how much you love me. Do you remember? Do you remember how you called me baby, my love, my wife? Remembering all that hurts my heart so much. Were they ever true? Were they all lies? I don't really know, and maybe I never will. Oh September memories.