Muda

Guilty (14.)

[A.Ham.]

The house felt empty that evening.

I was angry. I let Maria walk into my life again, and I suffer the consequences. AGAIN. Did I not learn from the first time around? Muda was at the Washington's home when she should be home with me. I never liked the quiet before. Not this quiet. It's so empty and cold, lifeless and numb.

I hadn't written a thing, and I'd been sitting at my desk for an hour now. I didn't even feel this empty when Eliza left. I just... I need her back. Thank god Maria took the hint and got out before I got home, I wasn't in the mood for her shit. It's not even my fault... I didn't put her out. I would have been out all day and night to find her.

I dropped my quill and ran my fingers through my unruly hair, my gaze drifted over to the pair of envelopes Washington gave me earlier. One with Muda's papers, the other for "the future". Whatever that meant. I'd been so blindsided by the past month, I have no clue what this "future" will hold.

So many loose ends. Maria's court date is tomorrow, but I don't need to be there. I honestly should send Eliza a letter, see if she ever thought about a divorce as she hasn't spoken to me since she left. God, I missed my kids, my beautiful Betsy...

Why did I treat the women I cared for with such disrespect? Both now have been alienated by this single harlot in red. Both of them chose not to remain with me...

And since when did I even equate Muda's position in my life to Eliza's? It felt so natural to do, but I know it's not true. It could never work though... she's a slave, for god's sake. A mute slave. That was it. She cooks, she cleans, she listens and obeys. She cares though... she realized the importance of consistency, the same routine day in and day out. She's perceptive, even seeing how I let Washington's word trump mine, no matter how much I wanted her to come home to me. She's a smart one, no doubt. Get it together, Alex!!! She's a slave! A slave!!

But she's mine.

I barely slept that night.

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After cooking for myself and rushing out of the looming silence, I got to work early to make up for my delay the day before. Washington came in two hours after me, and stopped by my office.

"Good morning, Hamilton. You're early."

"Good morning, Mr. President. Just making up for lost time yesterday. How are you this morning?" I asked, before realizing the absence of another.

"I'm well. And don't worry, Muda is with Martha. I asked her to start teaching the woman how to write, though I think they planned on shopping instead." He chuckled, and I joined in.

"Eh? What's so funny here?" A familiar voice chimed in, poking they're head in my door.

"Lafayette!" I greeted cheerfully.

"Monsieur Hamilton, mon ami!" He grasped my hand tightly, giving me a firm clap on the back. "Have you been slacking off? You never miss work."

"Of course not, when did you arrive? You never answered my letter. Did you even get it?" I asked, stepping back to let Washington greet the man as well.

"Slow down, Alezander. I came popped by yesterday morning to see Jefferson, but you were not here. And yes, I received your letter, but I was going to come anyway so why write back when I could talk in person." He nodded to Washington and stepped into my office. Washington left out, probably to his office. "Now, where is this slave?"

"Um... about that." I scratched my neck nervously. "She's umm... Washington has her."

"Why would... Hamilton what did you do?"

"Why does everyone automatically assume I did something?" I defended. Seriously. But he gave me that 'really?' Look. "Okay, this time it might be slightly my fault, but that doesn't prove anything!"

"Mon Dieu.... Hamilton." He held the bridge of his nose.

"Remember that woman who I had an affair with?"

"Hamilton..."

"I might have let her stay with me while she was working out her divorce, and she was mistreating Muda behind my back. She went so far as to convince Muda to leave in the middle of the night, but I figured it out and went looking for her. She had come here and that's when Washington basically took custody until I figured my shit out." All the while, Laf kept shaking his head.

"Please tell me that whore is not in your home anymore." He said, and I shook my head.

"No, I threw her out right away."

"Good, because what the hell, Hamilton? That woman is bad news and you let her in!?" I flinched as he raised his voice, and partially because he was right. "So, that's dealt with. What else do you need to do?"

"I'm writing to Eliza to um... divorce her. Since she doesn't want anything to do with me all year, I think she's done."

"Good good. Do that, then tonight we will find Mulligan and go for a few drinks to see why this slave is so important that Washington would intervene." He said, and he made his point final.

"Alright, meet me outside and we'll go at sundown." I promised. Maybe a night with the guys could be good for me.

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10/2/17