Love, Scars, & Shooting Stars

Chapter Forty-Four

The twin beams of Julie's headlights swung into the driveway and came to a stop in front of the right-side bay, a spot that Cameron had quickly come to think of as 'hers'. Inside the garage, he turned away and continued his busywork, hoping that she didn't think he'd been waiting up for her, which of course he had been. He wasn't really jealous, per se—he just didn't like the idea of Julie being out with her Ex and their son, while his own relationship with her was still so undefined. And, according to Becca, this was the fourth time in as many days, not that that mattered much. Okay, so maybe it mattered a little bit, only in that it seemed a bit excessive.

I mean, an afternoon here and there, but every single day? he wondered. Is that really necessary?

When the headlights went dark and the car's engine fell silent, Cameron turned and sauntered toward the open bay door, wiping his hands on a rag while doing his best to appear nonchalant. The passenger side door popped open, and he was reminding himself to fix that interior dome light of hers when Finn came barreling into the garage.

"Look, Cameron!" he crowed, grinning ear-to-ear as he held up a black cell phone. "My father gave it to me! I've got my own cell phone—isn't that awesome? Now he can call us anytime he wants to!"

Cameron picked up on the 'us', knowing that it didn't include him. He tried to ignore the sudden knot in his stomach and forced a smile instead.

"That's great, Finn," he said, hoping he sounded more enthusiastic than he felt.

"I'm gonna call Brandon right now and tell him!"

"Not tonight, Phineas," Julie called as she climbed out of the driver's seat. "It's late, and you've got to get ready for bed."

"Aww, Mom!" he sulked, but headed toward the door nonetheless. "G'night, Cam."

"Goodnight, bud."

Finn waved over his shoulder as he stepped outside, his face lit in a bluish glow as he continued to fiddle with the phone.

"I'll be right up, okay?" Julie said, pressing her keys into his hand. "Don't forget to brush your teeth."

Julie stood watching the twilight shadows for a long moment after her son had gone, and though her back was turned, Cameron could tell from the slump in her posture that these visits with Garrett were taking a toll on her. He had just begun to think that she had forgotten his presence when she sighed and leaned back against her car, sliding up to sit on the hood. Cameron tossed the rag aside and leaned against the door jamb of the garage. He'd been loosely entertaining the notion of following Becca Gibb's 'advice' from earlier, but something about Julie's demeanor told him that it wasn't the right time. She didn't need a distraction. She needed a friend.

"So, you took him to see Garrett, then," Cam noted.

She nodded. "A few times," she confessed. "I wanted to tell you..."

"Well, that's more my fault than yours," Cam said, taking the blame for both of their sakes. "I haven't exactly given you much opportunity, what with being out at the old house every day." She shrugged, and he wondered if she'd even noticed his absence. "Finn seems to be adjusting well."

Julie quirked an empty smile. "Yeah, that's a kid for you," she agreed dully. "A couple of fast-food dinners and a cheap cell phone, and suddenly all's right with the world."

"Mmm," Cam nodded his head. "To be a kid again, right?"

Her smile was a little wider this time, but her eyes didn't light up like they usually did. She looked tired, drained.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

Julie blew out a rush of air and hugged her knees in to her chest.

"I don't know," she admitted. "My biggest fear was that Finn would end up being hurt, but... Garrett just seems so different. I mean, I know it's still early, but I think it's possible that he really has changed."

Cameron felt his gut seize up again, but he didn't let on. She didn't need to be saddled with his insecurities, on top of everything else.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, but..." Julie started, and then cringed. "I think that a part of me was secretly hoping that Garrett would back out, or that they would meet but it would be a total disaster, and then Finn and I could go back to our normal life, you know? I mean, who would wish something like that on their own child?" She dropped her feet to the front bumper and leaned forward, elbows to knees, with her chin cupped between her palms. "I'm a horrible mother."

"No, you're not," Cam insisted. "You're just scared, that's all."

Julie shrugged. "Maybe."

"And?"

"And what?"

Cam narrowed his eyes at her. "There's more," he surmised. "There's something else you're not saying, isn't there?"

"No, not really," Julie hedged. "I mean, it's just... never mind. It's nothing."

"Say it," Cam urged. "You'll feel better."

She tipped her head to one side and studied him with those soft brown eyes of hers, and then the words tumbled out over her lips in a rush of exasperation.

"It's just that it's not fair that I've been here all along, for every birthday and scraped knee and monster under the bed, and I'm basically dog crap as far as Finn is concerned, while Garrett gets to show up to the party almost thirteen years late, and Finn treats him like he's God's gift to the world or something!"

Cam chuckled and moved to stand in front of her. Offering her a sympathetic smile, he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, allowing his fingertips to linger on the petal-soft skin of her neck. Her eyes fell closed, and a deep sigh escaped her lips.

"See, now don't you feel better?" he asked, his own voice sounding hoarse and strangled to him, but Julie didn't seem to notice.

She nodded, her eyes still closed as she turned her cheek into his palm. Her breath was warm against the inside of his wrist and he felt his own heat beginning to rise, until he realized that she was crying.

"Hey," Cameron said, taking her face in both of his hands. "What is it, Julie? What's wrong?"

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut tight, her chin puckering as her lower lip began to tremble. Slipping out of his grasp, she buried her face in her hands, her shoulders briefly hitching with silent sobs until she somehow managed to regain her composure. With a loud sniffle and a couple of deep breaths, she raised her head and wiped her eyes with the clean shop rag that Cameron held out to her.

"I just want him to be happy," she whimpered plaintively.

"And he will be," Cam assured her, not needing to ask to whom she was referring. "Finn is a good kid, and he's tough—no matter what happens, he's going to be okay." He gently wiped a faint smudge of mascara from her cheek, content to see it gone since she was equally as pretty without it. "But what about you, Julie? When do you get to be happy?"

Her eyes filled anew as she laid her hand against his chest, his heart beating beneath her palm as a melancholy smile played out over her lips. She closed her eyes for just a moment before pulling away and sliding down to stand on the pavement below. Turning away, she started slowly toward the stairs leading up to her apartment, and as Cameron watched her go he couldn't escape the feeling that she was slipping away from him in more ways than one. Pausing at the edge of the darkness, she turned, tears glistening on her cheek and her voice barely above a whisper.

"It's not about me anymore, remember?"