Knights of the Grey City

Chapter 19 - INSTINCT

It was an eerie feeling, returning to my apartment after exiting the Grey City. My luggage had appeared next to me as soon as we returned, which was a nice plus, and I was carrying it as I eased the door open. Eli was still at my parents' house. It was terribly still and quiet; the silent feeling of one in the morning on a holiday.

I'd been through so much it was effortless to fall asleep, even in that atmosphere.

My dreams brought me to a place deep underwater, sand and strange ruins. I looked around blearily. It felt like a long time since I'd been here.

"Well, at least you managed to save him," said Leviathan. I looked up and saw him swimming some distance above, his eyes casting green light around him.

"I think I did okay," I said. My mind felt a little sharper than it usually did in these dreams; I could almost remember all the questions I had to ask him. "Have to wonder why the Grey City chose us two messes of human beings instead of someone more capable."

"The best suited is chosen for the job," Leviathan said. "Do you understand that you cannot leave the Grey City whenever you want?"

"Think I got that," I admitted, looking around for the giant sword that had been here last time. It was gone. "Look, I have a lot of questions."

"That is what I am here for," he said.

"Can you explain exactly why I can't leave? Did all those demons appear because I left?"

"Yes," he nodded. "They took advantage of your absence. As time goes on, they begin to understand more of the Grey City, just as you do. They will take advantage of any weakness they find."

"Okay," I swallowed. "Uh, last time, you didn't exactly give me a straight answer as to why I go berserk when I take your form." I paused. "Maybe that's not the best way to put it. Your instincts are overwhelming; you won't even let me do things that you've told me to do. If Huang had fallen in the water, I might have attacked him myself, even though you told me to go save him."

"What I said last time is that there are many things that fall only to you," Leviathan said. "Dealing with the instincts of your form is one such thing. The form you take was once mine, Second, but I am not within it. It has all my base instincts, but not my mind to control them."

"So where... are you, then? The you I'm speaking with now?" I asked.

"I am a part of you. I am also a part of the Grey City," he said. "There is no physical plane where I exist. Essentially, you are speaking to a kind of spirit."

"Okay," I said, not sure I could fully grasp what he was saying. That wasn't the important part, anyway. "There has to be a way to keep a hold of myself when I transform. Turning back is almost impossible, every time. Huang doesn't deal with that at all."

"I'm afraid that's one thing I can't advise you on," Leviathan said. "I am not human, so I don't know what it is like for you. I can only offer you this: you cannot remain fully human when you take my form. You must find a kind of balance between your sense of purpose and the sense of purpose that my form already has."

I had been afraid of that.

"First does not have to deal with this because he doesn't have a living host."

"Meaning, he can't speak to the Gargoyle's spirit, like I'm speaking to you," I said.

"Correct," said Leviathan. "So much of this is about balance. If there are no other living guides, which there aren't, there is a certain unbalance of power directed at you. The instincts of that form must be all the more powerful for that imbalance. It hasn't happened this way before, so I can't say for sure. I can only say this: you must persevere."