American Woman: Book 4

Chapter 36

I was so stressed out worrying about Prince yet on the other hand a desire to be with him was building up. It had been six weeks since I left. Six weeks since I saw him, kissed him, touched him, and thinking about never doing those things again was almost too much to bare. I needed a release from it all. I tried to let my mind go to the good times or fantasize that Prince called me up saying he was better and begging us to come home and what our reunion would be like. I remove my clothes and wet my fingers with my tongue, taking it down to circle my clit softly as first. I swirl my clit a few times and then take my fingers down and plunge them into my opening. In and out I work my fingers and build up to a steady pace but I can't get anywhere. Maybe it was bc I was in Lenny and my old marital bed. Maybe it was bc deep down I felt my life with Prince was truly over. Whatever it was, it was stopping me from getting off and I eventually gave up and forced myself to sleep.
At some point later, I was having a dream about Prince when I felt a hand shaking me. "Jen, wake up. I just wanted to let you know I'm here."
I was still half asleep but my heart began to race thinking Prince had come for me. It was pitch black in the room but I raised up and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm so glad you're here."
"Really?!"
"Yes, of course. I still love you. I don't care about everything that happened. I just want to move forward with you. We can talk about how to make it work later. I need you baby. Make love to me." I beg, going in for a passionate kiss.
I felt a lot of hesitation in his kiss but I was determined to keep going. His hair felt different, so I figured he must have cut it. He didn't smell of his normal lavender scent either which was odd. I started to wonder if he was in LA why he didn't go to the Grammys.
"Why weren't you at the Grammys tonight?" I asked before making my way down his neck, licking and sucking.
"I was..."
"Then why did they say you weren't there when you won..."
"I didn't win anything." He chuckled. "Shit that feels good." He moans and lays me on my back. I was thoroughly confused by his answer and stared to wonder if I had just dreamed watching the Grammys and him winning. He sounded different too. Maybe it has been so long since I heard his voice that it was new to my ears again. I quickly dismissed it all when he started kissing down my chest and made his way over to my left breast. "Fuck your tits have gotten huge!"
"I haven't fed Waverly in a few hours." I giggled. "So watch out, they're loaded."
He releases my nipple with a pop. "I can't believe you have two kids." He whispers, reaching down and sliding his fingers up and down my slit. "Your body still feels great though sugar..."
"What?! Lenny?!" I shriek.
"Yeah?" He moans, making his way over to my other breast.
"Oh my God! Get off me!" I demand, pushing him off and diving under the covers.
The next thing I know he flips on the light. "Who the hell did you think I was?" He asked.
I peeked out from under the sheets so he could only see my face. "I thought you were Prince. Oh my God!" I exclaim again once it hits me I had just unintentionally done with him. "What the hell happened to your tongue ring?! Aren't you engaged to Nicole?" I start trying to place the blame on him.
"I took it out bc she didn't like it and once we broke up, I couldn't get it back in. I'm sorry Jen, but you came on to me." He responds.
"No I didn't! Well I mean I guess I did. But I thought you were Prince!" I fire back.
"And you didn't notice it was me. My voice, my hair, my..."
"Shut up! I was half asleep! That explains the Grammy comment. How did you not realize I thought I was talking to Prince!"
"I don't know what's gong on Jen! You wouldn't let me ask any questions, remember?! I assumed since you and your kids have been living here for weeks, y'all were separated or divorced. So I didn't expect you would jump back into his arms. Hell I thought you were talking to me! It made sense! And I didn't really know if I wanted to work things out but I wasn't going to pass up a chance to bang you. I haven't had sex in a few months."
"Nice! Real nice!!!" I don't know what came over me, the stress of it all or what just happened but I started laughing. And I couldn't stop.
"Why are you laughing?!" He exclaimed, and started giggling himself from watching me.
"You thought..." I couldn't finish and buried my head in the pillow trying to catch my breath.
"Hey! You did want me once upon a time. It isn't that much of a stretch. I didn't really think you wanted to like marry me or anything. I thought you were horny. I'm single, I thought you and Prince weren't together, so I didn't see the harm in it. So what's going on Jen? Why are you here? Where's Prince? Why wasn't he at the Grammys tonight? He won two awards."
"He did?! I don't know why he wasn't there. Did anyone say anything?" I asked, avoiding his other questions.
"Nobody knew. I heard some rumors..."
"Like what?" I hesitantly asked.
"It was just all guesses, Jen. I don't think anyone actually knows..."
"I still want to know." I demanded.
"Lord everything from rehab to divorce to joined a cult to faking his own death. Just a bunch of garbage. Prince is unpredictable and a little out there sometimes so people run rampant with crazy ideas about him. So you don't know why he didn't attend either?"
"No. I haven't spoken to him in weeks. I don't know where he is or what he's doing. I'm just as lost as everyone else." I explained solemnly.
"I'm real sorry Jen. I thought y'all were pretty solid. And he just had the most successful tour of the year by any artist, y'all just had another baby, what happened? I know I used to say Prince gets bored easily and that was true. But I think he has changed. He was truly happy. I could see that. Everybody could see that...."
"He was, we were. His hips started bothering him about mid tour after Mayte and I begged him to do the splits...."
"Mayte?! She dancing for him again or something?" Lenny asked, confused.
"No, no. She just came to a show and we talked to her backstage. Anyway, I think his hips were already bothering him and in bad shape and that just aggravated it. Anyway long story short his hip pain just continued to get worse but he wouldn't admit it to anyone and now he's hooked on prescription pain pills. Or was. He may have moved on to something harder by now. He was he getting some opioids from an employee and stealing mine after I had the baby. Caught him, said he stopped, but he found some other supplier, a street drug dealer is my guess, so I left for our safety."
"That's unbelievable! The Prince I knew steered clear of all drugs. I never could even get the guy to take one puff of a joint. That's really sad. But you know Jen, I got my dope from a street drug dealer. It sounds scary but some really aren't that bad...."
"I don't care. I have two daughters..."
"I know. I know. I'm just saying it's not like he's out on the streets with this guy. He probably calls him up and tells him what he wants and then a runner brings it to Paisley and collects the money. It's not like Prince can't pay and they'll come looking for him to collect..."
"Are you really trying to justify what he's doing?!" I ask in disbelief.
"Hell no! I'm just saying there probably wasn't any real threat in that respect. But prescription meds are bad, real bad. And if those are losing their effectiveness, he may moved on to heroine or who knows what else. I hope not. The man has the life. Now I know what an idiot and screw up he must have thought I was when I was going through all my shit. Hopefully he won't make the same mistakes I did. I regret losing you for sure, but the time I missed with Zoe, bc I was too stoned to remember it, really kills me. Are you telling me he hasn't seen the girls in weeks?"
"No. Nothing. Hasn't even called to ask about them." I reply, trying fight back tears.
"Damn that's low. He must be in a really bad place. I don't think I ever cut off contact with her...."
"You're not helping." I cry out angrily.
"I'm sorry Jen. God, I didn't mean to make you feel worse. I'm just truly shocked. I wish I could help. Do you want me to try to call him or something?" He offers.
"No. It won't do any good. He won't listen to anyone right now unless they are telling him what he wants to hear. Won't talk to our therapist or preacher, told all the employees they would get fired if they made contact with me. He's just gone. I'm afraid there is no helping him at this point..."
"So that's it? You're just done?" He asked, his voice laced with surprise. "What happened to the woman who stayed with me for far too long? Giving me chance after chance..."
"I don't know. I don't want to make the same mistake with him as I did with you and stick around to the point of it being detrimental to my well-being. Not when I have two children counting on me. I mean he refuses rehab. He only admitted to taking pills once I had already found out. Then he said he stopped and that was a lie. I can't trust him when it comes to anything involving drugs or what a doctor says. I wanted to leave about a week before I finally did and he said I had to leave without our kids and of course I wouldn't do that. He said everything is his, I own nothing. Which is true I guess..."
"Jensen, stop. I said that same stuff to you. It's out of anger and hurt. And it's not even factual, especially with y'all having kids. He will have to at least give you child support. And you could definitely get money and possessions out of him if you do divorce. Don't worry about that aspect of it. You can stay here rent free until you figure something out...."
"Thanks Lenny. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. I literally have nowhere to go. And he knows that. I just can't believe he doesn't care if his kids don't have shelter or food..."
"I can't wrap my brain around it either Jen. But just like when I was going though my shit, it wasn't me. I did and said things out of character for me. This isn't him. If his mind wasn't clouded by drugs, he would never allow any of this. And if he gets off them, he will regret it tremendously, trust me. You just need to focus on that and that alone. Don't worry about money or possessions or drug dealers or lies he's told or things he's hidden or shit he has said and done that are irrational or how he's abandoned your children or the possible demise of your marriage. Just forgot all of that and solely focus on getting him off the drugs. Nothing else."
"I don't know how, Lenny. I can't force him to go to rehab. He won't even talk to me, much less listen to me...."
"Go to him. Paisley is your home too. Go and make him listen to you. If he won't go to rehab, try something else. Stay there and watch him like a hawk. Don't let him take any pills. Find his stashes and dispose of them. Don't let him out of your sight. Nurse him through withdrawal. Once his mind gets clearer he will be more reasonable to have a discussion with. But don't badger about all that other stuff. Just focus on his recovery only."
I felt like an athlete who just got an amazing pep talk from their coach. I felt pumped and ready to tackle my mission head on.
"You're right! You're so right!" I say, excitedly. "I'll leave tomorrow. Thank you so much Lenny.."
"So where will you take your children?" He asks, immediately bursting my bubble.
"Oh, um, with me I guess. Maybe that will help motivate him...."
"No. They can't go." He orders.
"Why not?!"
"Bc then he won't have your undivided attention. You can't be watching him 24/7 with two young kids around..."
"Well maybe one of our employees can keep them..."
"All employees need to be sent home during all of this." He instructs. "There should be nobody in that house but the two of you. For however long it takes."
"I can't ask someone to take my kids indefinitely!"
"No, that would not be something to ask an employee, unless you have a nanny?" He asks, hopefully.
"No. But we have or had a speech therapist for Devon and a sign language instructor for us that...I don't know. For all I know they are working somewhere else by now. Maybe it's not feasible for me to do this." I say, burying my head in my hands and beginning to sob.
Lenny walks over and sits down in the bed next to me. "This may be the only way. You have to go. Listen, if you're ok with it, I'll keep your girls..."
"No, Lenny I can't ask you to do that. God, plus I'm breastfeeding..."
"Jen, this may be a life or death situation for Prince. Do you want to look your two girls in the eyes and tell them their father is dead?"
"No!" I say, burying my head in his shoulder and wailing.
"Listen, I raised a daughter. A damn good one. I can handle it. Plus Zoe can help me. And Lisa too if I need her to. She and I are real cool like that now. They will be fine. I promise. Let me do this for you sugar. Let me be the man I wasn't to you for all those years."
I pull back and look Lenny in the face. "You truly are a wonderful person Lenny. The family I don't have anymore. You've always been like my brother..."
"Eww that's weird." He chuckled. "But I get it. I feel the same way. And by the way your tits are showing..."
"Fuck!" I say, pulling the cover back up and laughing.