Reverberation - Guns N Roses Fanfiction

FOUR - the decision

September 3rd, 1991

All of a sudden, as though I'd flicked a switch somewhere deep inside of him, like igniting a flame, it all came bursting out of him.

"I want you to come back to LA with me--help me get them to clean up their act, just get themselves together... please. They all still remember you, and how you helped us when we needed help the most, and now... I know," Izzy sighed through his nose, staring intently into my eyes with a desperate, pleading look. "I'm here, begging you to help us again--those guys who ruined your whole goddamn life six years ago... I know it's a lot to ask, but, please, if you have any ounce of pity for any one of us, if you ever cared about one of us at all... do this. So that we can stay alive. Please. It's completely up to you, and I would never be offended if you said no--God, after everything that happened.... I'm sorry. But we... the guys, they need you right now."

He was breathing deeply, unevenly.

Suddenly, I stood up, my chair flinging behind me and making an awful screeching sound. I watched as heads turned upwards on the streets below us.

"Cassidy--Cassie, please," he didn't stand up, as though he knew he was pleading a sorry case.

I almost slammed the sliding doors open and demanded he leave my apartment and never come back; I almost took my mother's old flower vase that held the sunshine-yellow orchids and heaved it over the side of my balcony. I almost... a lot of things. Most of them either worthy of a lawsuit, or of time spent in jail.

Which was why I decided to just walk to the railing at the edge of the balcony, the dark metal cool to the touch, and run my short fingernail over the grooves. I said nothing; there was nothing to say, nothing to tell him or console him with.

I think, deep down, I'd known that my time with the guys of Guns was not over, even as I wrote that note to them and left them with nothing to remember me by but that exact piece of paper--and a few songs they'd written in my honour. I knew that you couldn't just run away from something and expect to never have to face it again.

I closed my eyes and turned around slowly. Izzy was staring at me intently, with those beautiful, dark eyes of molten milk chocolate. I averted my gaze to the window of the room where Colin was, still waiting for us to be finished with... whatever this was.

I took a deep breath, exhaling through my nose. "I think..." I met Izzy's stare, telling him quietly but clearly, "I think that you should go, now."

His eyebrows pinched together in the middle, rising slightly--like he was going to cry. "Cassie... please. I can pay for your--"

"I'm not a charity case, Izzy." Not anymore, at least.

"I know, you're right, I'm sorry, just please--"

I strode to the door, and let my hand rest on the handle. "Izzy, I think it's best that you leave my apartment," I paused there, just to see how much it would take to make him really beg, and then said, "So that I can take some time to think about this."

I slid the door open wide and didn't bother turning back to see his expression. I just watched the back of his head as he retreated from my apartment. And then I saw Colin's face as he probably came to see where we were going--where he was going. Just Izzy.

My cousin's eyes met mine, and I shook my head, not even bothering to watch Izzy close the door. I turned and sat back down in the metal chair, Colin following suit.

"What happened?"

"I don't think you wanna know," I murmured, staring at my feet and chewing on my lip.

"Are you...?"

"I'm fine. Izzy is just..." I sighed, unable to even think of a word to describe him, what he'd asked of me.

"Did he try t--?"

"No! No, nothing like that," I interrupted him before he could finish his thought of Izzy mistreating me or... trying things. "He wants me to do something that I'm not sure I should, and..."

Colin tilted his head in silent question.

I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose.

"He asked me to go to LA--to help Slash, Duff, and Axl get their acts together," I felt a lump begin to form in my throat, but vehemently ignored it. "I just don't know if I can."

"Oh, Cassie..." he leaned across the table, reaching for my hand. I kept it folded in my lap, offering a tight smile to him instead. "Look," he sighed. "I know what they did to you, but I've also heard what they say on the news, and it sounds like they really could use some guidance--whatever they can get. You know I'll support you however I can, no matter what."

I turned Colin's words over and over in my head, thinking about how he'd implied that perhaps I really should consider Izzy's proposition.

"Right. Okay... so, say I do go to LA--what would I even do while I'm there?" I cogitated.

The corner of his mouth twitched upward, as if he'd known I'd say that. "You could try just talking to them, find out why they're acting like they are... I'm sure that once you get there and surveyed the damage, you'll know exactly what plan of action to take."

I smiled at him. He did have a point... plus, I could just go to please Izzy, but while I'm there not even make an effort to help--it could be like a little vacation!

Wait. Vacation; work--shit.

My heart thundered at the thought of missing work, my words escaping my mouth quicker and more frantic than before. "What about my job? I can't just leave--I've just started my residency. There's no way--"

"Cassidy. Slow down--just go check when your next vacation is. Don't they give you three or four weeks off over the span of a year? Why don't you just check the master schedule?"

I blinked at him. Duh, I thought, ready to practically smack myself. Why am I so stupid? I left the balcony and headed to the kitchen, where my schedule was on the fridge.

"Well, would you look at that?" Colin said sweetly, snickering. "You have two weeks off in a little bit. From October 28th to November 8th--how convenient!"

I felt like kicking the fridge in anger, or maybe just tearing the schedule in half since that would probably be less painful.

Well, now I know that if going to LA is what I decide to do, it's easily possible. And, all things considered... I didn't want to see the guys of Guns hurt themselves even more than they have been. Perhaps it's the doctor in me--that or I actually do still care about them--but I really, suddenly felt the urge to go. The realization came with a slightly suffocating feeling in my chest, and I knew it was my body's way of making sure I understood what I had to do.

It was just a matter of making it happen.

--

How's she gonna get ahold of Izzy??? Like tf bitch u too late!! (Or is she? OoOoOuuUuUuuuuuu..,)

-megan xx

Ps. Happy bday Sarah J Maas you inspire me EVERY DAY