Perfect (bxb)

Perfect *8*

What happened the last chapter...

Time passed and I wanted to hate Kyle so badly, but it didn't matter how hard I tried. My body reacted to his heroic gestures and believes. I wanted him to guide me. I guess, I kind of fell in love with him. I didn't notice that until a little while ago though. I wasn't ready to face my feelings. They always cause trouble and sorrow. I wanted to be emotionless, but it just didn't happen.  

Currently...

Kyle's POV

It happened after I came home from school. My mother told me, that she had some business to attend to. I didn't question her further. She probably would have become angry at me and would have told me, that I shouldn't challenge authority. That's just the way it is; she always makes me shut up. After my breakdown at Mira's my relationship with my mother has gone even further downhill. She wanted me to go to a psychologist at first, because "I needed to get my mental problems in check" as she said. I asked her why her reason for getting me a psychologist wasn't that she cared for me or loved me and didn't wan't to see me in such a state, but that she wasn't ready to admit that even her perfect family isn't all that infallible. She was suddenly mute.

I'm a bother and a burden, that's her reason. She didn't say it and I didn't need to hear it, because we both knew, that I didn't need an answer to my question. It was already pretty obvious. I declined her offer to get professional help politely, because I was just as ready as she to acknowledge that there is something wrong with me, and she didn't resist my decision. My heart cracked a little at that moment, but I was used to it anyway. I love her and she loves me, but not as much as she loves my brother. Dean is perfection; he has never had any problems. He is a little above average at school, he has a handsome face and a nice smile and he is likable and popular.

My mother used to present him as some kind of prize or trophy at her business dinners. A nanny had to take care of me, when the dinner was hold at a restaurant and I needed to visit a friend, when the dinner was held at our house. I couldn't wrap my head around it back then. Why wasn't it possible for my mother to love both her children equally? She always had a favorite and that didn't change. I was never good enough for her. I came to accept it though or rather I tried. I'm still not completely over what happened and I'm not sure, if I ever will. I'm probably exaggerating, but isn't love something that everyone needs to keep the will to live. Wasn't there an experiment about this?

Dean noticed my feelings and tried to cheer me up. He understood why I was always down, when he had to leave for one of these stupid fancy dinners and tried to make me feel less miserable. The keyword is tried, because he didn't manage it. I always faked a quick smile for him though. I was so fucking grateful for that attempt of his. I wasn't cruel enough to show him, that he failed, but after some time he figured it out anyway.

He was always better at reading people's minds than me. He didn't bring it over his heart to proceed to make me feel like a complete failure and disgrace to the family. He resisted the next time, when our mother was trying to take him with her. They argued a long time, but I couldn't figure out what it was all about, because I was upstairs in our shared room and couldn't hear their conversation. It ended in making Dean cry, which caused our mother to cave in and since then she didn't drag him along to her dinners anymore. It felt sort of like a victory to me.

Dean sacrificed his position as the preferred son just for me. We were inseparable since then and our sibling bond grew strong enough for us to get through everything together, but I doubt it now. I'm not sure, if I can keep my jealousy down. I don't want to ruin our relationship, but I don't know how long I can keep going like this. It's destined to fail. I love him and I'm grateful for everything that he has done for me, but being human can become something truly devastating. We are bound to have a fall-out soon.