Perfect (bxb)

Perfect *6*

This is how I picture Zero *-* I wanted him to be white headed in the first place, but nobody of them was to my liking. So here you have it! Though, I have no idea, who the guy is :') If anyone knows, just leave a comment, please.

Yours truly, author-chan ;D

What happened the last chapter...

His smug appearance gets on my nerves. Who does he think he is, waltzing all over me? Why is everything suddenly crumbling and crashing down around me? Is this what losing control feels like? It's frightening. Nothing seems to happen according to plan. Jake shouldn't be this dominant and confident, my mother shouldn't care about, what I do, and give me lectures about anything and I shouldn't be this irritable and bully-like to my classmates.

Where's my power gone? I feel like a pawn in the game of fate. I don't know, what to do anymore... This isn't anything near being perfect. 

Currently...

"So what was that at Zero's? You and Jake were like shamelessly making out!" Mira wiggles her eyebrows at me. She is like a starving fangirl, who needs her daily dose of smut. She and I are currently in her room, because she wanted to interrogate me, but I didn't want to discuss it in school or actually anywhere, where people, who were not supposed to hear something like that, can overhear our conversation. 

"Well, I might be a little gay for him, but what's with all the labels anyways? As long as I know who I like, it's fine, isn't it? I mean, if I want to date a girl, nobody says anything about it being wrong or abnormal, but if I want to date a boy, it's suddenly disgusting. What's the difference besides the gender? Why is a relationship between two people, who are of the same sex, suddenly not worth as much as a heterosexual one?" I get a little frustrated. It just isn't fair, but what is in this world anyway? It's ruled by society, which makes us have depression, anxiety, trust and anger issues, traumas, false friends, eating disorders and so much more bad things and mental disorders. But even though so many people have to deal with those, it is considered shameful to be in need of help. It's so twisted. 

"I totally get your point, but let's not get too deep into that thought. We don't wanna get depressed, now do we? Anyways, I think, you two would make the perfect couple! I can't wait for you to get together. I'm gonna be really mad, if you don't make that happen soon." She grins at me while saying this in an obviously teasing manner. I don't know how to feel about her shipping me and Jake though. Would she be disappointed, if it doesn't work out with Jake and me? I guess, she practically just said that. She probably didn't even realize it, but she subconsciously put pressure on me. 

What would happen, if I had an argument with him? Would she pick his side, stick up for him and completely forget about me? Would she blame me for the fight? Would she still be my friend, if we break up? Mira's a good friend; I know that. She wouldn't do something like that. She wouldn't disappoint me, but why can't I seem to stop doubting her and myself? I don't know how long my relationship with Jake, if that ever were to happen, would last. Maybe I'm not even capable of doing all the dating stuff. I was never the romantic type. Is it expected to surprise your significant other with flowers and other sappy stuff? Would Jake even want flowers?

Suddenly I feel caged. Is it my duty to pursue Jake and make him fall in love with me now? But what if I don't want to? My heart races in my chest. This gets to my head! Calm down, Kyle! I'm getting anxious, my thoughts overwhelm me, they don't leave space for me to breath. Is this supposed to be happening? I like him... isn't that enough?

My breath runs short, I feel like I'm hyperventilating right now. That's not good right? Everything hurts, my chest, my head... my eyes sting, are they watering? I don't know. There's not enough air or it just feels like that. I can't speak unless I want to break down crying in front of Mira, because of that lump in my throat, it makes breathing even more difficult than it already is.