Itachi had always known his main focus in life.
Whatever he did, wherever he went, he always knew what he wanted to happen and what he was going to do to get it to occur. People often considered him serious and distant, but that had only been because of all that had happened; of all that he knew he would have to do. Even when relaxing he hadn’t been the type of person to ever truly let go of his emotions; he was always in control and never lost his composure, even in situations where he was surprised or upset. The more that had happened in Konoha, the more his job and his life began to fuse together until there was no discerning the two. He lived as a ninja and never took the time off to forget about those things he had to do while working. The façade he put on while fighting became who he was, and nothing changed as the years had gone by.
The only time Itachi had felt he could look past his job was when he was with Imi. When they spent time together, he actually felt…normal. He could forget his problems, even if it was only for a little while, and he knew he was helping her in the same way. Though they were anomalies around most of their peers, together they were the same and could understand each other. It had never been something Itachi had fully comprehended—just how Imi could have that sort of an effect on him—but it hadn’t mattered. The results it created were good enough to simply accept it for what it was, and that’s how things had continued.
Or at least until he had had to kill his clan.
Then they’d had to separate, and Itachi had lost that one part to his life that allowed him to forget and relax. He had had to focus back on what he knew he had to do, and that was his number one priority. The façade was never broken as long as he was in the Akatsuki. And though he wouldn’t ever truly forget it was there, yes, things had altered slightly with Imi’s reappearance. The fact that he was willing to let her stay was proof enough—if he was his normal self, he wouldn’t have had a problem with getting Imi out of there as quickly as possible. But she reminded him of how things had been in Konoha. Of how, even when times were tough, Imi had offered relief from that constant pressure and worry of the world around him. It was why Itachi had found it just as hard to say goodbye to her as he had done to Sasuke.
Only lately, that moment was the only thing he could think about.
It wasn’t exactly a pleasant memory, but it was lightened by the fact that they had been reunited. But if that was the case—he constantly asked himself—why did he keep thinking about it? Imi was back, and she’d said herself she wasn’t going anywhere, so why was he remembering the moment when they’d said goodbye? Was he subconsciously worried that she would leave again? It would explain his actions. Lately he’d noticed his lack of concentration when it came down to a lot of things in his life; mainly focusing on hanging out with Imi and talking with her whenever possible. Yet still he was uncertain; that conclusion didn’t seem right. So what was it?
Things started getting a little clearer, however, one night as he slept. As it had before, that same memory appeared in his dreams, only this time it appeared slightly more focused. This time as he remembered it, it wasn’t the whole amount of time they had spent together before he had left; but namely, the point when he’d kissed her. Not that that had been a part Itachi had particularly forgotten, but other things had taken precedence. And anyway, it was a slight mystery on Itachi's part that he had truly comprehended to begin with. But as he had woken up the next morning, it was now that that his mind turned to.
Itachi had accepted it had happened, but he hadn’t planned it, he knew that for sure. It had just been an act of impulse—something that didn’t exactly come around often for him. Itachi was known for how well he planned things out, even quite a while into the future. So to just do something for the hell of it wasn’t his style; but still, it had happened. When he thought back to it, they’d just been talking. Imi hadn’t done anything to prompt that response, but…that day had been overwhelming for him. A lot had happened, and Itachi hadn’t been sure how to cope with it. It was part of the reason he had gone to visit Imi before he left.
But had there been more? As Itachi went about his day, he thought about it. He’d always missed out on a lot in his life, right the way through. Ninja training had taken precedence, and then he had been focused on protecting the village and Sasuke. Overall it meant he hadn’t exactly grown up as a normal kid, and friends hadn’t been abundant, either. Even Shisui—who Itachi had considered to be a close friend—had ended up dead. Imi had been everything to him. But having to kill his clan and leave the village, Itachi had severed all ties to Konoha. That time with Imi just talking had been good, but even then he had felt the need for something…more. Just one moment of contact before he left; to be intimate with someone in a way he’d never had before.
In a way Itachi had thought that he’d never get again.
Only things had changed slightly further on down the line. Whereas Itachi had always thought that Imi would remain in Konoha and he would no doubt never see her again, she was here, in the Akatsuki, and with the way things were going, Pein was going to ask her to stay permanently in no time. But even without thinking about how they had kissed before things were different. The way Itachi felt when hanging out with Imi—talking with her whenever he could—it wasn’t what he would have expected to appear, and Itachi couldn’t quite figure out why he was acting like this.
Yes, he knew that he cared about Imi; that she understood him better than anyone and that they were able to help each other out in a way that no one else could do. But that shouldn’t mean anything else…should it? Itachi had accepted what had happened—so why did it feel as if he hadn’t? Why did it feel as if something wasn’t right with the situation? His thoughts weren’t changing anything when it came down to how he felt about Imi, but there was something that had changed, though Itachi couldn’t quite fathom what it was. But what got to Itachi the most was the idea that it wasn’t such a new idea. That it hadn’t appeared out of nowhere since Imi had started working with the Akatsuki.
That in actual fact…it had been around a lot longer than even he could have imagined.
How that had managed to happen, Itachi hadn’t a clue. But it was beginning to make him frustrated—and at a lot of things. In some ways, he was frustrated at his emotions. He had always been in control of them, but now he wasn’t sure quite what was going on or what he was even feeling to begin with. He was also frustrated at what he was going to do about them, and how they’d managed to sneak up on him like this. It was at times like this Itachi could only wish he had Imi’s sensing abilities; he knew he was going through all of this…but what were Imi’s thoughts on the matter? They hadn’t exactly talked about the kiss, so he had no idea what she thought about it. But what the hell was he supposed to do?
It was a question that Itachi didn’t like to ask himself.
And one he couldn’t seem to find the answer to.
