The Fangirl // Horan [temporarily on hold]

Chapter 2

When Mina comes back into the room an hour later I am still in the same position.

Well, virtually the same.

Except for the tears streaking down my face.

"Oh, Jesus." Mina rolls her eyes.

I let out a sob.

"Why did I ever agree to having a freshman roommate?" Mina mutters. Then I start howling.

My roommate looks alarmed. I bury my face in my pillow, then realise that the pillow itself is a Harry Styles pillow. I sit up quickly and bang my head on the bottom of Mina's bunk.

I sob even more.

"Hey, um, what's wrong?" Mina looks like it pains her to ask.

"What isn't wrong!?" I howl.

She steps backwards, startled. Then she leaves the room quickly. I hear her mutter, "Freak," on her way out.

I let myself cry for a few more minutes. They can't split up. It can't be over.

A teeny tiny voice in my head says, But it's not for forever. They said themselves they'd be back as a band in a few years.

But the fangirl part of me, which is ten times the size of the other part, roars SHUT UP AND LET HER GRIEVE, YOU LITTLE SHIT.

***

And I do grieve. Apart from dragging myself to classes, the first month of college is spent by me crying in my bed with Over Again on replay and staring at my posters of them, again crying.

Mina thinks I'm such a freak. She barely ever speaks to me. I guess I didn't make the best first impression.

No shit, Sherlock.

The first day she met me I was an emotional wreck.

Still am, in fact.

Dad has called a few times, and each time I pretend to be cheerful. I don't think I sound overly convincing, but Dad buys it.

"Hey, hon," he said during our first phone call. "I heard...about that band of yours splitting up. I'm sorry, hon."

Now, how was I supposed to respond to that?

This is how:

"Oh, that. That was, uh, yeah. A big shock. But, um, I'm...fine. Just fine." Then I said goodbye and wept again.

Believe it or not, he bought it.

A round of applause for the A+ parenting, Dad. Not even realising when your daughter is depressed.

I actually think that's what I am. Mina certainly thinks so. And I haven't been on Tumblr in a month. A month!

That's practically fifty years in Tumblr time.

When I finally do find the courage to open my laptop the first thing I see is my background of the This Is Us movie. I slam it closed and shove it off my lap. I put my head in my hands, which is hard when you wear glasses. Get it together, Char, I order myself.

So, that afternoon, I force myself to go to a Psychology class. And I make myself pay attention.

As much as I can anyway.

The teacher, Professor Marin, is a typical middle aged, balding man wearing a tweed jacket with suede patches on the elbows. He talks in a slow, sing song voice that literally makes one of the boys at the back start snoring.

See what I notice when I pay attention?

I also notice that the girl in front of me has a tattoo of a bottle of beer on the back of her neck. Hah, I bet she regrets that one.

I notice that the girl beside me keeps twirling her hair around her finger.

I notice that the professor has to clear his throat every few seconds.

I mean, I don't actually catch any of the lecture.

How the fuck did I ever get into college?

I have no idea, I mean, I'm no Einstein.

Ten minutes into the lecture, something happens.

The best something that ever happened to me.

The door swings open. A tall, blonde boy is standing there, wearing a black hoodie, jeans and red Converse. "Sorry I'm late," he says, and my heart almost stops.

Because I know that voice, and I know that blonde boy.

And by the reactions of some of the other girls, I know that they recognise him too. A few squeal, some stand up and start clapping, and Beer Bottle Neck almost falls off her chair.

I just sit there, though. Blinking rapidly.

"Where should I sit?" Niall Horan asks.

At once, at least ten girls start yelling, "Here, Niall! You can sit with me!"

Beer Neck literally shoves the person sitting next to her to get them to make some room.

Why aren't I standing up too? I could be screaming. God knows I have it in me.

But I don't.

Wwwhhhyyy don't I?

My chest is feeling tight. I can hear the blood pounding in my head, even above all the noise. Niall looks slightly shell shocked, and I don't blame him. I am too, even though they're clearly not screaming at me. I swallow. My hands are trembling.

Then Niall walks over and sits down next to a plump girl with reddish gold hair. The other girls look furiously at her.

Professor Marin calls wheezily, "Settle down girls, settle down!"

I don't know what happens next, because in all the chaos, I manage to get up and leave the room as quick as I can, clutching my book to my chest.

***

You may be wondering why I ran.

Well, join the club, because so am I.

If I had stayed, maybe the next year of my life would never have happened the way it did.

Maybe if I had stayed, Niall Horan would have never noticed me.

Maybe I would still be able to go to the Coffee Bean.

Maybe.

Just maybe.