The Fangirl // Horan [temporarily on hold]

Chapter 9

It's only several seconds later that I realise - he kissed me.

The realisation of this is so shocking, that I jerk backwards away from Niall.

"Charlie?" The panic in his voice is evident. "Charlie, what's wrong?"

"You...you kissed me," I gasp. I run my hands through my hair. I sit up and look, terrified, at him.

"I thought...I thought you wanted me to." He looks confused. "I wanted to."

"You kissed me."

Niall reaches out for me, but I jump to my feet. "Oh my god," I say. I can't breathe properly.

"Charlie, I'm sorry, I-"

"No!" I say, my voice almost a shriek. "No. I have to go."

I don't want to go, but I have to. I pull my flip flops back on and make a break for the door, but his hand catches mine.

"Charlie, don't go, please!"

"I have to," I croak.

Tears are forming in my eyes.

I have no idea why.

You like Niall, Charlie.

He likes you.

He kissed you.

You kissed him back.

What's the problem here?

"No, you don't! I won't kiss you again, I promise, but you have to stay. Please!"

"W-why should I, Niall?" The first tears spill over.

"Oh my god, don't cry, please. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He steps forward to me and tries to wipe the tears away but I dodge my head away from him.

"This...this was a mistake." I am crying now.

"Why? No, it wasn't! Maybe the kiss was, but if I hadn't done that, would you have stayed?"

"Y-yes. I would have."

"Then what's so different now?" He looks panicked, his eyes wild and searching mine.

I am so close to giving in. So close to hugging him and kissing him again.

"What...what just happened made me realise that I can't kiss you. Or hug you. Or hold your hand or anything."

"Why not, Charlie?" He steps closer, touching his forehead against mine. "Why not?"

"I..."

My eyes flutter closed. I let out a short breath. "I..."

Don't do it.

Don't.

You can't give in.

Charlie Ross never gives in.

I yank my hands away from his and step back. "Because I just can't. I'm sorry."

I turn, and fumble with the doorknob until it opens. I fling it open and run without looking back.

I don't think I could bear to see his face.

I don't wait for the elevator, I run down the stairs, gasping.

Then across the lobby and outside.

I don't know where I'm going, but I have to keep running.

I just need to get away.

I get lost. Typically. Well, cut me some slack, it's dark out now. I stop, a stitch in my side and tears on my cheeks. My breath is coming in gasping sobs.