The Fangirl // Horan [temporarily on hold]

Chapter 12

I have stopped crying, at last. My eyes are red.

A while ago I changed out of the dress. I had kept it on, in the hope that he would come back. He didn't. I pulled it over my head, causing my bun to fall out, and threw it, sobbing, across the room. Then I cried some more (wearing only a bra, underwear and high heels, might I add).

Then I kicked off the heels and curled up on my bed. I thought he liked me. I thought he loved me, for a second.

About ten minutes ago I just changed into my pyjamas (turquoise tank top and yellow pyjama pants with cartoon watermelons on them). They were bright and colourful, exactly the opposite to how I feel. Then (up until this moment) I sat on my bed, scrubbing away my makeup and both looking and feeling shitty.

I'm not expecting Mina to come back. She won't, not until the morning. Probably gone to some party.

I'm glad she's not here. I can be miserable in peace.

Unfortunately,I cannot wallow in my sadness, because I really have to pee.

Perfect fucking timing, Charlotte.

I wander into the hall in my bare feet and go into the stupid bloody co-ed bathrooms. Stupid fucking bathrooms. Stupid fucking boys. Stupid fucking everything.

After I wash my hands, I look at myself in the mirror, sniffing. I'm not one of those girls who look pretty even when they're crying. I am pale as a sheet, my eyes are puffy and red rimmed, there are still traces of mascara around my eyes. And look at that. Now I'm getting two fucking pimples, to top it all off. I sniff loudly.

Then I let out a sob.

I lean my elbows on the sink (which really fucking hurts) and bury my head in my hands. I can't stop thinking about what he said.

I can't stop thinking about him, period.

Just then another girl comes out of a cubicle, a typical fucking perfect blonde girl with those fucking hipster glasses.

She looks at me funny. I glare at her then rush out of the bathroom and back to the dorm.

I slam the door as hard as I can, and lean my head back against it.

Fuck him.

Fuck everything.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I let out a long, shaky breath and turn to face the door. I put my forehead against it.

I hate him.

I love him.

***

"Charlie? Jesus, Charlie, wake up."

My eyes open blearily. It's Mina, leaning over me with a concerned look on her face.

"Fuck. Off," I say. "I'm not in the fucking mood for you to fucking crow because I lost my fucking boyfriend."

Mina actually smiles. "Could you have said the word 'fuck' anymore times in that sentence?"

"Yes!" I shout, sitting up. I seem to be in the swivel chair next to the desk. I must have fallen asleep in it. "I can, actually! How about this? My fucking boyfriend fucking left because he said he fucking loved me then he fucking took it back and when I got fucking angry he said that him saying he fucking loved me must have been a fucking great thing for me and I could post it all over fucking Tumblr like the stupid fucking fangirl I am! Fuck!" I get up and kick the chair as hard as I can.

It only goes about two feet.

"Fuck!" I scream.

"Charlie-" Mina actually takes a step back, looking alarmed.