i might have body dysphoria
whoops
ryan walked back into brendon's living room and sighed as he stuffed his phone into his back pocket. he stood in front of brendon sadly, running a hand up his arm. "well," ryan began, "that killed my boner." ryan joked and wiped away his tears. smiling at brendon and how he rolled his eyes when he smiled. brendon, still leaning against the couch, pulled ryan in by the waist. ryan tried his best to push his fathers words out of his mind. yet, he felt himself want to cry again. brendon held him close at the back, ryan resting his arms on brendon's shoulders.
"i got you." brendon whispered into the air, ryan finally breaking down into brendon's shoulder. his hot tears landing on brendon's white shirt. his body shook with an unnerving cry. he let go of his sanity after that moment of silent crying, "i hate him!" ryan shouted desperately as he felt his knees buckle. "i hate him so much." ryan said again and pulled himself impossibly close to brendon. "i know, ry. i know." brendon soothed and rubbed circles onto his back. ryan cried into brendon's shoulder for a little longer. his mind racing with destructive thoughts.
he pulled away with a humourless laugh, "this is so fucking pathetic." he laughed and wiped his tears on the back of his hand. "stop that." brendon tapped his side lightly, not sure what to do. "no! you don't understand. he-he always does this! i should be used to it" brendon cut off ryans words with his own, "you shouldn't be used to it." ryan shook his head frantically. "no i should, i shouldn't be crying! boys aren't weak! faggots are weak and i am not a faggot." ryans body shook again as he vividly remembered the words of his father that seemed to be engrained into his brain.
brendon immediately pulled ryan into his body. brendon's face held nothing but confusion. his eyebrows were furrowed as he held the boy, his body trying to get out of his grip but brendon just held tighter. at some point, ryan stopped struggling and instead leaned into brendon, sobbing.
