in too deep | [REWRITING]

01| E v e l y n

Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years
Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near
Wanna feel alive, outside
I can fight my fear
Isn't it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass,
my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin and bone
Hello, welcome home

- Lovely, Billie Eilish, Khalid

01| Evelyn

Evelyn woke up to her stomach tightening up in knots, clusters of butterflies fluttering all about—but not the good kind. She was planning for a new start, looking forward to leaving the past behind in the past. What she had forgotten about was the demon inside her planning havoc. The demon— chronic anxiety.

It had been a week since Evelyn's dad and Evelyn moved to Fallholt, California. Moving from state to state was a part of Evelyn's life as her dad is simply in love with moving. To him moving was a boost to life and it gave you a chance to start over. Evelyn had been trying to do the same thing for the last two years. What she had learned is that moving only boosted her anxiety.

Evelyn had never had the courage to tell her dad about her anxiety disorder. First, she thought it would be a new trouble to dad, or he would simply ignore it and say 'it's a lame excuse, everyone gets anxious'. Evelyn knew that was exactly what he would say. Shrugging off a problem was nothing new to him.

Evelyn had grown up in Manhattan in New York with her grandma. Her grandma was a rich, sophisticated lady, living in one of the penthouses. Being the only child, after her death, Evelyn's dad had inherited everything she had left behind. That gave him the way he needed to move from state to state every year without giving a damn about financial issues.

Growing up in New York was the best thing that ever happened to Evelyn, she thought. She was a happy, friendly, cheerful and most girly girl among her friends, who loved going around stores buying every princessy thing she could lay her hands on. Every new Barbie doll available, even the newest version that hadn't been released, was Evelyn's.

Everything from her room to her dresses, pajamas, shoes, even her bedsheet had a connection to the princesses. Evelyn had her room painted in soft pink with all the Disney princesses in the wall.

Eve even remembered insisting on going to sleep wearing a princessy dress, gowns that were pink and puffy, with lace and tulle.

And needless to say, Evelyn dreamed about the prince in white horse too.

Evelyn shook her head as she removed the cover and got out of bed while trying to gather her shoulder-length brown hair in a bun. She had cut her healthy almost waist–length hair with no second thoughts, herself.

She sometimes forgot about it and habitually her hands tried to get the locks in a bun again, even though now she couldn't. She entered her en-suited bathroom and brushed her teeth, the knot in her stomach made her retch. She emptied her mouth, spitting out the toothpaste foam.