in too deep | [REWRITING]

46| M a s o n

I'm in too deep
Can touch the bottom
With my feet
Don't know what you did to me
I can't breathe
But I'm living
I'm in too deep

- In too deep, Why don't we

46| Mason

Evelyn looked up at him, hoping for a reaction. Mason didn't know how he looked. Was he supposed to be surprised?

The day, Mason found out about it, he first didn't believe it. Then he did some more searching. He couldn't make himself believe but something bugged him. He knew it was the truth.

That night, Mason didn't sleep. He read a book. He read about it in many websites, medical, non medical. He read it from the patients points of view. There were a few pages where people had talked about how they felt, how it was actually like. Mason had tried to understand.

All the while, he became angry. He wondered why he didn't knew about this disorder earlier. Depression was well known and sometimes a misused term but anxiety was rare. But there were people out their diagnosed with it.

Then he also thought of Evelyn. Mason knew it was maybe hard for her to even maybe talk about it. Mason wished he was there early. He could not take it that she was going through it all alone and yet managed somehow.

"I have know for a while." Mason said quietly. He didn't dare to look up to see her reaction.

That same night, Mason took a decision. He figured things out. He knew what was at stake and he also knew what he really wanted to do.

"You knew?" Evelyn's voice was filled with surprise. There was a sight bit of tremor in her voice.

"I couldn't tell for sure, but I think I got it. You had the symptoms. I saw some in you and I kind of remembered you telling me about how you feel, all those stomach sickening and those mental breakdowns," Mason said.

"Anxiety attacks," Evelyn whispered.

"Yes, anxiety attacks." Mason said and squeezed her hand. "If you told me earlier, I could've helped a lot more."

"You did. You helped me. I was afraid how you would react. I was self-conscious more than I should be."

"That's your anxiety, is it not? But I am glad you finally did." Mason gave her a reassuring smile.

Evelyn was gazing at him intently.

"That's it?" She said.

"Yeah?'' Mason said.

"And I have been thinking, over thinking about this particular moment for a thousand freaking times," Her voice cracked, " and that's it?"

Mason sighed and hugged her, " You see Evelyn, the scenes that you create inside your head, thinking, over thinking, that is not reality. This is reality. The result that you come with doesn't necessarily need to happen in real life."