THE RESTLESS AUTUMN (completed) (a full-length novel)

An Interlude

Kim Jun Hee read the letter from the bishop for the third time but the excitement didn't diminish. It was six summers ago when he got a confirmation from St. Peter Theological School, the first step among the many tedious procedures in fulfilling his father's last wishes. Now that he was ready to become a servant of God, he knew he was fully embracing what would be the start of his destiny. First thing he did was to run to the house next door and knocked with his fist. "Dongsaeng! Dongsaeng! Come out! I've something to tell you!" Seconds later a 14 year-old lass peeked through the window and flashed a wide smile. She gleefully slid the door open and asked, "Oppa! Did you win the lottery?"

Jun-hee laughed and shook her shoulders, "No! It's better than lottery, Euna. I will be ordained on the fifth of July. I'll become a priest soon."

She stepped outside and clapped her hands. "That's good news, oppa! Remember your promise to me."

"Which one? I made so many promises to you."

"You will be the one to officiate my wedding!"

"Of course, dongsaeng. Of course," Jun-hee said, his smile lingered despite a subtle loss of spark in his eyes.

"Will things change? Can I still talk the way I talk to you?"

Jun-hee shook his head. "Of course, you can."

"But wouldn't it be awkward to tease a priest?" She giggled.

"Nothing will change between you and me."

She nodded proudly and gave him a hug. It took some time before he could lift his arms and hugged her back. Despite the eleven-year gap, he could easily connect with her through all the stories she'd shared, her frustrations, her dreams and even her childish whims. In turn he felt the need to protect her, to guide and care for her especially during the times when her only sibling, had disappeared for months without a word. He had provided her emotional security, but by doing so he had found his own sense of security, too. He never realized though, that the attachment they both had for each other would make him vulnerable to his own emotions.

"Come to me when you need someone to talk to."

"Uhm." She nodded.

"Be good. Don't stray."

"Uhm."

"Remember everything I've taught you."

"I will."

His hand slowly released his hold on her. Before parting ways, he gave her the address where he would be staying accompanied by a phone number. "Keep in touch."

She smiled sweetly and waved her delicate hand in the air.

That night, Jun-hee reread a letter he had written months ago. If only for those short moments in his alternate world, he was happy expressing what his heart truly felt for the only girl he had loved. But after a lengthy talk with his mentor from St. Peter, after weeks of consternation, he was able to conquer himself and heed his higher calling. His sacrifice, probably the biggest he had to make, was his best confirmation that he was ready to serve. In an act of submission, Jun-hee lighted the letter on fire in a tin can and watched it burn into ash. The unspeakable words, the forbidden emotion, the unfulfilled fantasies, these were now all gone, eternally buried in the abyss of his memory, never to be retrieved for as long as he lived.