Time will heal your scars.

Catching up.

"what do you mean your dad"
the words where supposed to come out clear but tears choked them.

The way Alex refused to look at her how he kept the cup to his lips even though he wasn't drinking the way his eyes stared down at the counter top to prolong the conversation.

This isnt right how can this happen. how long has it been happening for. Is this why he had been so horrible to her, and here she was feeling so sorry for herself taking it all out on herself like a little pathetic worm. She was going on about how she had no support when her boyfriend has been getting abused and hurt and she couldn't see it she couldn't see past her own stupid big headedness. He was hurting her cause he was in pain, although she did try and be there for him and its not right for him to treat her that way cause he is going through stuff. But this isnt just some 'stuff' this is huge and life threatening she has to just forget about whatever happened and help him because this is more important than him calling her a few names and creating arguments over nothing just to shout. Its clear to her now its all clear now...and what shes done...selfish cow.

The sun began to peek out if the clouds more turning the soft yellow cast to one more harsh. She took another sip of tea, head slowly emptying of all thought as her eyes continued to follow the swaying trees and small birds. The mug slammed in the table and and swirled around in the stool.

Alex laughed and and stroked his hands up and down her arms that where suddenly placed there to begin with.

"sorry, did i scare you?"

Delilah pouted and rested her head on his chest, he swallowed her into a firm and loving hug. After a moment she responded by hugging him back.

"you made me nearly break my favourite mug. I didn't hear you walk in." She almost whispered into his chest

"that was the point i wanted to surprise you." he smiled and pulled back a bit so he could kiss he forehead

Delilah pulled away and hopped off the stool the warmth of his body evaporating from her. "i hate surprises." she stared while leaning against a counter

Alex kept a smile while Delilah's still melted in a pout  "come on  it easnt that bug of a surprise unless you  forgot i was here. did you?"

Delilah crossed her arms staring into his eyes almost searching for something. she didnt know what. she also didnt know how he could smiling.
"of course i didnt forget, i found you half dead soaked to the bone at the side of the road."

Alex rolled his eyes his head turning with them, his hand lifted and fell back down on his lap as he sat on the bar stool slouched. He let out a breath. Delilah didnt speak. "thats over exaggeration i wasnt half dead."
he didnt make eye contact with her.

"Thats not the point you could have been." her voice raised in fear and anger and hurt

She went to speak again when Alwx refused to talk but was cut iff as he made sharp eye contact that felt like it griped her throat as his words tightened it. "i dont want to talk about it."

Delilah breathed heavily and snuffed back a tear as her throat opened up. "Then when are you going to talk about it? its taken you god knows how long, months? to tell me last night whats been going on with you and that only because i found you!"

"i was going to tell you." Alex kept his voice calm while hers went frantic

"when? Alex you should of told me at the beginning of this."

"thats rich coming from you."

"thats different, im not being abused or anything else like that."

"you didnt tell me when you where getting bullied until it got too late."

"what could you have don?"

"what can you do? its the same technically."

"no its not, this is illegal he can get sent to prison. Alex please talk to me."

"i said enough last night."

"No you didnt. What you think telling me that you've been getting abused and giving a fee examples is explaining this? It doesnt please just talk-"

"Stop pushing it Delilah!" Alex shouted cutting her off

She took in a sharp breath and started chewing the inside of her scabbing gum untill she could clearly taste blood. Alex ran his hands roughly through his hair and let out a deep breath.

"look, Delilah... im sorry i just dont want to talk about it ...im not ready to right now."  he said in a calmer yet shaky voice

"im sorry i care." she whispered eyes looking at the floor she could never do anything right she should have went about it in a better way, or maybe even smiled trued to cheer him up a bit since he woke in a good mood but no just had to ruin everything, again.

Silence grew in the air but got in their heads. She swallowed back a cry as Alex sat frozen in contemplation.

"im going to the toilet, ill be back in a minute." she whispered into the fragile air Alex gave a slight nod in return

Delilah scampered out the kitchen and quickly made her way to the upstairs bathroom. Once in she almost slammed the door behind her and locked it. At this point she allowed herself to fall apart where no one could see or hear, a small place just for her to feel better through tears and screams and a steady stream of warm water. Everything is safe in here safe from eyes, safe from voices, safe from judgement, safe from fear. Once over past the door its like a disconnection to everything like her room but more helpful.

Everything started to bubble up inside her, clawing at her insides taring her apart with guilt and helplessness and uselessness. As though her body was hallowed out with a rusted spoon and filled back up with maggots and worms and ash and fire. She couldnt help her boyfriend, she couldnt make him smile or feel happy or even a little better about anything that happened. She made it worse made him feel worse about it all as if it was his fault, instead of consoling him fully she got upset about how he had treated her when he was in that kind of mess she should have waited for them to talk about it properly rather than make him feel evil, he had just been battered beaten and bruised to the bone all over and god knows what thats done to his head yet here she was think all about herself. Again and this morning just there pushing him to talk, yeh she cared and wanted to help and wanted to do everything she could but it wasnt enough nothing was enough she would never be enough.

Delilah was huddled on the floor knees to her chest sobbing raw hot tears into her hands with so much self lies going through her head making her vision see wrong to reality. She managed to catch her breath after hiccuping like mad through muffled screams. She wiped her eyes and they instinctually went to the toilet like a magnet. She coughed her red inflamed throat scratching at the pain as the walls of it pushed together. She scrambled to her feet and ripped off her house robe, throwing it over the bath tub. Taken frantic deep breaths she bend down feeling behind the neck of the toilet, she eventually found it, loose sellotape keeping it bound to the porcelain.

Her blade.