Life: Complexity And Adversity

1981 February - Broken

"Disturbed, desensitised and destroyed. They are three words to describe my current state of mind. My mind is broken and I feel deluded, I am showing a lack of trust, becoming distrustful if you will." I paused. "He betrayed me and took off with the g-girl I like." I stuttered. "Yes my stutter it has become more prominent as of recent, I guess that's because of the incident and what came after the incident." I ran my hand over the bandage wrapped around my head and covering my left eye. "Would you like to talk about the accident James?" The woman asked. "I suppose if you think it would help." I replied, she then moved her hand in a welcoming motion as to say "go ahead, the floor is yours" so I spoke. "I walked out of the house for some air." I rubbed my head. "And under the realisation I could not have her and that she was now Wyatt's and would not want me, adding that with the factor that Wyatt had betrayed me and was not in the slightest worried about how I felt, made me feel depressed and I gave up hope." I clenched my right fist, screwing it up like paper. "Wyatt came out and asked what was wrong, I looked at him and I turned to the road and started to walk, he chased after me." I smirked slightly. "And then He was too late, the car struck me." The smile I had made faded in two very quick seconds. "He fled ran back to the house, probably to hide he was the cause of the accident." I said looking into the woman's eyes through her blatantly obvious contact lenses. "A young woman called for the ambulance. It wasn't Annalise because she has a much higher voice, however we couldn't find the young boy, Wyatt, on the premises." She looked at me. "This Wyatt character may just be in your mind." I look at her after she said this, I was infuriated. "How dare you! You are the worst therapist ever and one of my therapists prior was convicted of breaking confidentiality laws." I rose to my feet and stormed out. I quickly left the building at lit a cigarette. I had recently took up smoking, it acted as a painkiller.

"My mind is broken, the clockwork that was once called a brain now no longer functions the same. My heart is broken and torn in two, split down the middle like the Red Sea. My lungs are aching, feeling heavy like a 1000 pound sheet of lead." I mumbled this under my breath while I wrote in my note pad. "Cigarettes are starting to taste like liquorish. This may be because of the depressive state that has educed me to smoke a pack a day." I wrote this into the notes too. "Poetry?" I hear a feminine voice say to me, it was high and clearly not that of a child. "That's one word for these ramblings." I smile and turn to her. Her hair was green, dyed of course, and curly. Her nose was sloped inward and protruded from her face quite far, not as pointed as Gwen's nose. Her eyes were hazel and looked like those of a wolf, and her skin was flawed in detail, her skin was of a light beige tone she had freckles lightly dotted all across her face and a set of mediocre teeth that were not white but not yellow. Her left ear was visible because her hair was tucked behind her ear and her right ear was covered in her hair and was not visible. She was smiling brightly and her dimples were visible.

"I'm Eve" She said this whilst smiling cheerfully, she hadn't a care in the world, the world I had sold, she inspired me in a way, her face and attitude gave me hope, seeing something so innocent and happy, it gave me a yearning to try to move past the vents and start a new. I felt the bandage with one of my hands and the other I used it to ruffle my hair. "I'm James." I smiled to her. "Pleasure to meet you James." She responded jauntily. "And you." I said in a smug manner, I sighed softly. "What's wrong?" She asked, I looked to her. Hope glinted in her eyes. "Nothing." I said looking away from her and to the floor. "You're outside a hospital. That's not a good sign." She smiled as she said this, as if she was joking around but she was being so serious at the same time.

I looked up to the sky. Clouds of grey, the same shade as the underbelly of a elephant, surrounded us and cold salty rain began to fall, tear drops of the sky is what me and Ross called them as children. They fell and the feeling of them hitting my skin, pounding away like two boxers fighting in the ring. They felt cold but not freezing, it was refreshing every time the rain hit my face, the taste of the rain was salty and reminded me of seawater. My hair is now flooded with rainwater and my face is dripping with it too I stand up fro the bench I had been sat on. I looked at her and then bask in her beauty, just for a second. "There's a bus stop over there, mind if I walk you over?" Her dyed green rang with the rainwater and dripped from the ends, she stared into the abyss not focussing on anyone thing pushing her hair back. "Sure." She said smiling. I then proceeded to stand and we started to waltz over to the bus stop. "So why were you at the clinic?" She asked. "I point the bandage, are you blind?" She stood still jolting me backwards since she was holding on to me, I had not realised she was holding onto me. "You're very rude." she whimpered like a wounded dog. It then hit me like a speeding truck. She was blind, that's why she was at the hospital and why she had not noticed the bandage, she also only heard what I was writing because I spoke it as I wrote it. She didn't look at anything because she couldn't actually see, so she didn't see any point. She held apart of my clothing to guide her to the bus stop, everything seemed clearer and less murky then before.