Life: Complexity And Adversity

1982 April - Mistakes

I never really felt at home when I was where my heart was, I only ever felt at home with her. Who was she? Nobody important. I had recently took up the mantle of my old past time, heroin, along with that thanks to Johnny I had a friend to do drugs with, Arabella, she became drug user after the 81' Woods drug party. So now you know. Why am I talking to myself again?

When I'm around her my morbidity disappears and ceases to exist, a prune that became so dry that it dried up and became one with the air. She changes me for the better and she doesn't even know that she is doing it. She could beat me and I wouldn't care in the slightest. I'd probably still adore her with her hands around my neck, her tiny pale hands. I really need to stop these little inner conversations they're not even monologues anymore. I was here with Annalise. We weren't a couple, but we were here as two people who were dating, in other words we hadn't declared exclusivity yet. I wasn't seeing anyone else and I don't think she was seeing other people. I think we just wanted to go "steady." You see I'm kind of old fashioned and I would like to have declared it earlier on in our- Is it even a relationship. What ever this is and make us an item but that's just the traditionalist inside me peering around the corner trying to take control.

"Right, guys, tonight we are having a bonfire." Johnny said smiling with a big grin. "Why?" Gwen asked. "Arthur is going back to England and its a surprise farewell party," he wasn't done yet. "But no one can tell Ross, he would flip if he knew that Arthur was leaving." At this moment I zone out looking up at the sky it's getting dark already. I wonder what the future holds for me, and for her, for us all. What would come of the world once I left it? Could I change the current world? Is the bomb maker as guilty as the designer or the dropper or are they all equal. I think my metaphors are coming together now. "Right so everyone you have your jobs." Johnny said, "Get to it!" he bellowed, just like a gorilla. Johnny had tasked me with firewood, I knew this since he was pointing to the woods and looking at me, that or he wanted me to build a shitter.

I walked into the woods side to side with him and Suzy, we needed lots of wood for the fire to burn through the night. Him and Suzy had broken up a week ago, things were awkward, until- "So how you been Mary Sue?" He piped up. I felt bad for him at this point the future was so clear to me yet so cloudy, like carbon dioxide in limewater, to him. Suzy looked at him then looked on like always walking step by step, stepping on twigs and snapping them. "I'm fine, how are you, Johnathan?" She asked him, she was being formal and distant. He had become the man in the mirror, the man who wanted to change his ways. That's pretty catchy I should write that down. "I'm great without you!" He chanted. This chant reminded me of a national anthem, not a country's, more techno NA, but anyway, she then glanced to him once more examining him, we both knew that he was upset and wanted her back he was weak and needed her love. He needed her to nurture him, it had become nature. She looked down and stood still, "I'm seeing someone else." She said passive aggressively. She was clearly trying not to smile. She was standing there proud of herself, and awaiting his response, "You fucking slut!" He leapt to her wrapping his hands around her, his hands were a snake; she was the mouse. "Get off!" she yelped and choked. "Johnny!" I grabbed him trying to restrict him and pull him back, I was no match for his anger and pure hatred. She was losing air and she was losing it faster than the month of fasting, in Islam, Ramadan. "Johnny!" I shouted pulling him off her just in time for her not to get her neck snapped by the brute that Johnny had become. He had transformed no longer the fun, loving Johnny we knew and cared for, he had gone, snapped. that was it. He gave her all his love and now he was filled with hate. What a terrible event. She got up and ran, as fast as her legs would carry her. I managed to pry him and drag him back to the camp passing Wyatt, who seemed like he knew something he shouldn't.

I am sitting, sitting in a chair, I am bored while sitting in this chair. "Guess who?" I was blinded, hands shielded my eyes from the world, like a mother protecting their child's innocent eyes from seeing something demoralising and wrong. Time to become Sherlock Holmes and deduce this goose. High voice, most likely a girl. Familiar voice, I know them but most of all she had the voice of an angel one I could not mistake. "Annie?" The hands let go and wrapped like a loose scarf around my neck. "How'd you know?" She asked me, embracing me in an abnormal fashion but I liked this, it had a sense of romance. "Who knows." I said, tapping my nose, "I didn't mean to make a pun. That's what that is, right?" I asked smiling tilting my head back. "That's the word." She said in her angelic, beautiful voice. "How are you?" I ask her, thinking about my job at the wedding. "I'm very good," She smiled and said this cheerfully. "-how are you?" She asked me, she had said the past three words with elongated ends and pauses between. Creepy or sexy? I really couldn't tell. "I'm great, thanks." I replied to her answer.